Big Things

Chapter 7

"Those are some of the greatest men and women fighting for equality. Unfortunately many of them suffered tragic personal losses... " the history teacher had said.

"It's worth it." Erik mumbled to himself. He'd suffer hundreds of personal losses if it meant he could change the world and make it better. Blood, sweat and sorrow were all worth it for a great cause.

He had meant it then, in that school room, and he still meant it now. Of course, then he had no idea continuously suffering through various personal losses was quite this painful...

He decided not to go to work the next day. He didn't know what to do and how to behave around Charles. He needed time to collect his thoughts. Maybe find a way to prove to Charles that he wasn't lying to him about being 14? Or maybe it would be easier to just lie to Charles, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Continue with their lives the way it used to be and pretend his life from before wasn't real. Pretend he was this grown up Erik Lehnsherr who wasn't a 14 year old teenager only 3 months ago.

He called Raven and asked the day off. With all the extra hours he's been working since literally day one, that was hardly a problem. Although Raven did remind him of the debate at the end of the month. Erik promised he's got it under control. He wasn't sure if he had anything under control currently. He just wanted to lock himself away from the world and be miserable in peace. But that was too much to ask. The world didn't stop only because Erik needed a rest. There was no Summer break in this reality.

~*~

Charles could easily stay in his room for the rest of the week. He had done that before when things were too much for him, when his depression was at its worst. But he didn't allow himself to do that this time. The truth was, he didn't trust himself to be alone right now. The temptation to drink himself unconscious while seeking oblivion was too big and he really didn't want this for himself. Not again.

So he went to work, looking like shit, according to his sister but he didn't care. He went anyway and pretended everything was fine and nothing hurt.

One of the first things he noticed at work was the empty desk in front of Raven's office. He swallowed, hands clenched into tight fists. He had to remind himself to breath. This was ridiculous, so ridiculous. It was obviously over between Erik and him. Erik didn't want him. Erik was so freaked out by Charles loving him that he came up with the most absurd excuse in the world. If that didn't scream I don't want you, Charles had no idea know what did. It hurt like hell but he had to endure it.

It was still a relief that Erik wasn't coming to work today though. Charles wasn't sure of his own reaction if he had to meet Erik right now. Of course he could just hide in his own office, he didn't need to be in Erik's hair all the time. But that felt immature and silly. He couldn't hide forever.

He approached Erik's desk thoughtfully, ran his fingers on the surface longingly like an idiot. He noticed every little detail of this desk that was like a tiny Erik-world because Charles, apparently, was a masochist. Everything so precise and tidy, so Erik. Covered in Erik's work, well organized and in perfect order. A few idle notes sticking around the computer -- words that made no sense unless you were Erik, reminders of ideas and plans. A couple of action figures of heroes were gracing one corner of the desk, looking at Charles disapprovingly as if judging him. Charles frowned. Erik really did love toys. Maybe it made sense that he was just a boy at heart who wasn't ready for a long-tern relationship. Charles ran his fingers through his hair. He had a real connection with Erik. He fell in love with him. He fell for Erik hard but Erik didn't feel the same way, Erik didn't want him. And that was Erik's right, of course, but it didn't make it any less painful for Charles. How will he ever heal from this rejection? At least Erik was alive and well.