Revival ⚬ Barry Allen [2]

05. Mistakes

Present

Hunter was dead; that much I knew for sure. The man that terrorized me for almost my whole life was gone forever...gone from my life, earth two, and from everyone that he ever inflicted pain upon. Knowing that brought me comfort, but there was one thing that I still couldn't shake.

He was still alive in my mind.

Besides the nightmares and the constant worry that he somehow would come back someday, he lived on in my mind in one of the worst ways possible. At first, it started with hallucinations of him that soon went away, but following after that was the realization of something. Hunter might be gone from existence, but what wasn't gone was me. I was almost a spitting image of what he thrived to be, or at least I used to be.

Knowing what he had done to me and what he had left behind made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew that I wasn't that person anymore, but something told me that deep down, I still was. I still killed people...I still hurt people, and most importantly, I still used to be that type of person.

After hearing Barry's secret, it all came crashing back into me once again. It made me grow sick to my stomach to even think about dying alongside him...to have died a monster, one that he created. I told myself that none of that mattered now; that Barry had reset the timeline and made sure it didn't, but something about the idea dug deep into my brain and wouldn't let go.

So here I was now, thinking long and hard as I sat on the bed I used to sleep on many nights here at S.T.A.R. Labs. It was the one place I knew I could go to if I ever needed to have silence to think or to be by myself, so after hearing Barry's words, I found myself here.

"I thought I'd find you in here," I hear a low voice say, causing me to turn my head and see Barry standing in the doorway. It takes me a moment to realize that he still had tear stains on his face from earlier. "Are you...are you okay?"

I wanted to tell him yes. I wanted to tell him that everything was fine, that I could move forwards, but instead I find more tears filling in my eyes as I shake my head. The next thing I know, Barry is by my side on the bed, wrapping me in his arms as he lets me cry on his shoulder.

Crying was something I wasn't all that used to, since when I had been with Hunter, it was a rare emotion for me. It took a lot for me to cry, and for some reason, I guess this was one of those moments.

"I'm sorry for all of this," Barry breathes into my neck. "It's not fair...none of this is fair."

I pull away from him for a moment as I shake my head, controlling myself. "I'm not crying because of what you did, Barry...I just hate the idea that in that other timeline, he won. I had died a monster."

Barry looks baffled. "A monster? You're not a monster, Raven-"

"I was, Barry. I know you may not think it, but you never saw me before. I've killed countless people...he turned me into a monster, just like what he was." I take a deep breath. "He dragged me to Hell with him."