Now, Do We (Yein x Harry Styles)

02. My Dear Member

JUNG YEIN

I continue to look at the paper on my table. There is no writing except for two words ' Dear Member'.

There is already a handfull of crumbled paper on the floor, all with the exact same two words on it. I blankly trace all the crumbled, counting that there is exactly 18 paper wasted. I dont know when it become that many but still I dont know exactly what to write. Its hard to say sorry, but I guess it is equally hard to write about it.

All the members when back to their hometown. Because of my mistake, all of our schedule were cancelled for two weeks. Two long weeks sound perfect for a gateway, especially for our group who had been working hard for two years straight. But it sounds so wrong because it happen due to my mistake.

We came from small label, without any major marketing we debut into this scary entertainment world. With hardwork and perseverance we slowly win public attention, climbing chart little by little with so little talents that we have.

I still remember weeks after releasing our first album. We had to walk on streets after streets to promote our song. We even did busking and even interview passerby wether they recognise our groups. It was that time where we had to be really thick skinned, and face rejection by rejection from public who did not recognise our song. We sat silently on the way back, ignoring tears on our face.

We already passed those stage already. We are not yet at the peak of our career but at least most of people in Korea knows our song and we are even dubbed as nation innocent girl group

"Arghhhh" I pulled my hair hoping that the pain can ease my heart ache. I shake my head several time

The title innocent now is so fucked up since we were banned by one of the public tv channel for god know how long for a fiesty dating scandal. And two week of hiatus is granted for me to do reflection.

I always knew the harm that will come when you are dating a guy from another boygroup. And I completely know the harm is even massive when the boy you are dating came from one of the top label company which dominate the market. But still, fairy tale happen and love happened too.

I always remember my father told me that every guy is a wolf, but what he failed to tell me is that in this world, even wolf is so fatally attractive. So charming, unconsciously Im willing to offer my head for it.

I still remember the first time me and junhoe looking into each other eyes. It was at the end of new year concert. He is stunned by me and locked his eyes with me. We were both frozed and continue looking into each other until someone bump into him. His reaction was sloppy and I did giggle before running away out of embarassment.

At that time it was so fluttering for me to see someone with a bad boy image acted funny because of me. For the first time my heart beats faster because of a boy.

I tried to forget about him. After all there were so many bad rumours floating around him. But in the end his persistent win my heart. I dont know how he did it but he somehow manage to send a random fan to give me a cute present every single days. I even amazed how he knew my exact schedule every day.

After a month and 30 cute gifts, we met again at backstage of a concert. The thought of meeting him made me blushed all day, causing all member to wonder. They of course had no clue what is happening to me. I dont know how it happen but we passed by each other in the middle of crowd. He snatch my phone, quickly dialed his no. and slipped it back into my hand without anyone noticing. Not even my member or manager.

We dated for a while. Sneaking out once a while to have a date. I always scared a paparazzi will caught us, but he ensure his label will take care of anything.

"We should not meet every weeks. Lets wait for few weeks before we met again" I rest my head on his shoulder. Thinking that our next date will happen after quite long time.

"Told you not to worry. Lets just trust my label, they dominate this world. Heck I have done a lot worse before and they covered it just fine"

Im puzzle by his statement,thinking what possibly had happen. But I just shake it off, enjoying our secret date before going back and continue my dance practice.

I know I should just confront him at that time, or else I wont be in this big trouble. We continue dated, had lots of secrets dates and we silently communicate whenever we went to same tv show.

I knew being with him in the same show could expose our relationship but rejecting a schedule will create more suspicious from my label, so I went along. But thing happen few days back where we appearred in the same show and sharing the same dressing room.

His speech is quite slurred, not too bad but enough to justify that he was not in his right mind. His pupil dilated way abnormally suggesting he was under influenced.

I confronted him, and we end up getting into arguement. He was so aggressive and crazy. He started to hit me and pushing me. I was so angry and started to hit him back. No one can get away after hitting me. It was getting out of control that security are needed to separate us.

Junhoe was right. His label dominate the entertaiment world. The show blamed everything to me, causing indefinite banned. Luckily it was not publicly announce as per requested by Junhoe. His label even dominate the law, and end up he was not convicted of anything despite he himself admit at the end of the arguement that he did took cocaine regularly.

At that time the stupid me finally realise what he meant that he had done a lot worse before.

Turns out a wolf is still a wolf.

I sigh and continue to stare on the paper. Its too late to change anything. I made a huge mistake and I need to suck it up. Right now I am going to write my apology letter to all the members and probably started reflecting.