Un-Tying the Knot {h.s.}

Chapter 30

I hissed silently as the cold swirled its way around my naked body, goosebumps forming on my skin before I was able to fully pull the towel around my frame. Holmes Chapel was not the warmest in the winter, that's for sure -- and this old house didn't help much. Or maybe it was just the overwhelming feeling of being exposed that made it feel extra chilly today.

The steam from the shower had covered the mirror in condensation, forcing me to use my hand to wipe at it to reveal my mess of a reflection.

I stared at my long, brunette hair that was curling, dripping, and matting against my skin, and I couldn't help but catch the slight bags under my eyes -- from stress and lack of sleep.

From my never-ending thoughts of him.

The embarrassment I felt after being caught touching myself this morning by the very man I was falling for was more than I could bare. I panicked for a long time, petrified to leave his...my...room, unsure of exactly how I would handle the awkwardness between us the next time our eyes would meet. I had worked myself up about it for hours, my mind re-playing every possible scenario on repeat until I finally passed out, the exhaustion finally settling in -- but my sleep was far from peaceful.

Instead of my normal random, mostly happy dreams, this one was laced with images of Eleanor in her wedding dress while Harry sat at a piano looking quite uncomfortable in his very traditional, stuffy tux. I was by his side, trying to coax him to open the lid and play, knowing how happy it made him -- but every time I got close to getting him to oblige, she would slam the wood back down and nearly break his fingers. I woke up, sweaty and confused with the sight of his heartbroken face etched permanently into my memory.

Not my circus.
Not my monkeys.

I repeated those words in hopes that it would remind me that the relationship issues between Harry and Eleanor were just that -- between them. His emotional stability was not my responsibility, nor was fixing their obviously broken relationship.

After mulling over my thoughts for the hundredth time, I knew it was late in the day and I couldn't keep postponing the inevitable. As much as I was absolutely dreading seeing his face again after exposing myself so intimately, I was here for work. And if I'm honest, I was doing a pretty shit job at the moment. So I swallowed my pride and made my way to the shower, hoping the searing heat would burn off any traces of my embarrassment. But now, staring into the mirror through the misty fog, I know the embarrassment won't be going anywhere.

He wasn't going anywhere.

Not in my mind, any way. After our week here, coupled with my harrowing nightmare, I'm now firmly aware that Harry Styles is a permanent fixture in my mind. And I curse him for it. This was far worse than a crush.

Grunting, I quickly dry my hair and clothe my exposed body. After checking my appearance for the eight hundredth time, I drop the towel in the hamper before nervously opening the door. Peeking up and down the hallway, I sigh a breath of relief before making my way downstairs towards the noise. The noise of family, a family that's not mine.

You are just an employee, Olivia.
And he's just a crush.
An unrequited crush.
He's engaged to your boss.
Do your job.

I repeat this new mantra in my head as I slowly make my way downstairs (because the mantras have worked so well so far), my slow attempts failing to keep the stairs from creaking and giving away my position. I wanted to be invisible. No, I needed to be.

The entire house seems to be a buzz of energy and holiday festivities. I can hear the laughter and smell of homemade food wafting my way, and the part of me that's not embarrassed by this morning feels warmed by how nice and welcoming Harry's family has been to me, a lowly employee stuck here to do Eleanor's bidding.