Un-Tying the Knot {h.s.}

Chapter 50

His hand tipped the clear glass to a 45 degree angle, swirling it around in a circle mindlessly while his eyes fixated on the way the amber liquid would roll around with centripetal force.

The bar he suddenly found himself in was certainly noisy, but he couldn't hear any of it. It was deathly silent in his mind, quiet enough to hear a pin drop, even though the world around him was filled with ever-unfolding chaos.

Time was stopped for him.

He still felt the sting of Olivia's hand against his cheek, and if he looked in a mirror, he would probably still see a slight pink twinge -- either from the contact of her palm, or the embarrassment -- of which, he's not sure anymore.

He still remembers the look on her face when she did it. At first, she was angry. Angry that he violated...everything. Her space. Her trust. Her heart. She didn't even want him to call her by the nickname he had given her -- yet, he somehow thought it was a good idea to kiss her?

Idiot.

He hadn't meant to. It wasn't like he planned on kissing her. It was his body's natural response to being in her presence. He longed to be near her, needed to hear her laugh and see her smile -- the time between seeing her in the stairwell and then only increasing the need for her.

And now that they had sex -- well -- now it changed everything. Now his body involuntarily craved her, whether he wanted to mentally or not. This knee jerk reaction only increased, particularly when he couldn't control the words coming out of his mouth or his stupid actions.

And his actions, make no mistake, were absolutely horrendous.

She made him do the stupidest things. He knew he was prone to being clumsy -- hell, he stapled his necktie to a contract once. It was part of why Eleanor became such a control freak with him, he's sure. He was a bumbler sometimes, and while he always had pure intentions with everything he did, sometimes they didn't come out that way. Especially when it came to matters of the heart.

If he's honest with himself, it has everything to do with his upbringing. He never had a real childhood -- being swept up in the X-Factor where he had to put on a show, cameras always following him. So he became the entertainer -- because that's what he was conditioned to do. People seemed to love his clumsiness, his air of young childishness that charmed everyone around him, even as an adult.

And while he always had luck with the ladies, usually with them throwing themselves at him, he never really had the opportunity to date much.

When he did date, his relationships were usually filtered through handlers and PR people -- and for many of them, he was told what to do, what to wear, where to be, what to say, and how to act.

It wasn't until he was an adult, long past his career as a performer, that he had to learn how to actually be a responsible human in relationships. And while he's made it quite far from where he started, he still gets a little tied up in emotions when he really feels something, his mind winding itself around his limbs until he says or does the stupidest thing and ruins everything.

Which is what happened not even two hours ago. Stuck with the inability to cure the widening chasm between the one woman who meant the world to him, he grasped for straws. His body thought that a kiss would make everything better.

God, he's such an idiot.

Why does he keep doing stupid, hurtful things to her? It's not like he wants to do this. It's not like he wants to hurt her feelings. He didn't mean to run out on her the first time they slept together, he just was scared at how much he felt. He had never, and he means never, in his life felt the surge of emotions he had when he was with her. Every single word he said to her before he took her to bed was true.