Worlds Apart

26. Solitude

Allison

I felt sick to my stomach the morning after the movie. I felt as though I wasn't myself, as if I couldn't trust myself.

When we got home, Mads carried me to bed. He took off my clothes, tucked me in and did the same. I tossed and turned throughout the night, however, because I wasn't sure if I was sane anymore.

Had I truly dreamt of the fishing man who sicked his dog on me?

I felt at odds with myself. Was I going crazy? Had I been crazy this entire time?

I finally fell asleep but it was so late that when Mads'a alarm went off I had only slept for maybe an hour. My stomach felt like it was full however painful as if I was starving. I felt nausea, the bile burning in my throat. Thankfully I did not throw up.

I laid in bed for another hour, trying to sleep as Mads showered and dressed. I let out a slight whimper when he kissed my forehead and mumbled a goodbye.

I heard the front door open and close, the sound of his car roaring to life then crunching gravel as he backed out of the driveway. I felt lonely, like the world around me had vanished and I was in a void that had only questions and no answers. I curled up in a ball, almost brought to tears as I finally fell asleep.

By late afternoon, around 3, I finally awoke. My stomach still had an ache, as did my head. The feeling of loneliness still present.

I sat up in bed not wanting to get up, the feeling of sadness overwhelming me. Even with this feeling, I stood up.

I decided on a long shower. The water was hot and it felt good, however the feeling of darkness haunted me. After an hour, I dried off and got dressed. I wore only underwear, a bra and a black silk robe, my hair in a bun.

I went to go eat but didn't feel like making anything so instead I went to the living room to watch TV. I channel serfed for maybe ten minutes and felt tired yet again.

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There was only darkness, at the end of this darkness was a door, creaking open slowly. The cries of a baby could be heard again, the painful cries made my skin crawl. I wanted to run but the only place to go was this door, towards the cries.

"Alison."

My eyes opened to reveal that I was laying on the couch, sleeping. My body curled into a ball with only my robe covering me.

I expected to see Mads. Wearing his button shirt, slacks and black leather shoes. I expected him to be tired from a day at the hospital. I expected him to sit beside me, rub my back and ask me what was wrong.

I looked up to find Troy. His eyebrows together in confusion. His brown eyes staring at me like a doe. He wore a t-shirt and jeans, casual as ever. Kneeling down beside me, his hand fell down on my cheek, caressing my warm skin but only for a moment.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I shake my head, the sadness was overwhelming. I felt pain in my chest, pain in my stomach. I wanted to cry but nothing came out, only worry and constant anxiety.

"Whats wrong?" He ask.

I ignore his question and simply close my eyes and attempt to escape the anxiety and fear in this world. As I attempted to sleep, my body relaxing into the comfortable couch, my brain on a cloud as I drift to sleep. I feel a warm, soft kiss fall onto my forehead, then my cheek before I am asleep.

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Mads had carried me off to our room when he got home, I couldn't make out what he was saying to Troy only that I needed to rest. It was odd, how Mads didn't question it, however Troy was trying to figure out the problem like it was a puzzle needing to be solved.

As I slept, Mads and Troy argued over what could be wrong with me. Mads was worried that I was spiralling into a depression while Troy wondered if I was suffering fron PTSD.
After several minutes, nearly an hour, of arguing the two settled on having me see a seperate doctor, one that was used to mental disorders.

When I awoke, the smell of food swarmed my nostrils. I hadn't eaten all day and the idea of eating motivated me to get out of bed. I went for the kitchen, slowly however as I hear Mads ramble on about symtoms of something.

As I entered, Mads's sentence slowly ended, his eyes shifting from the meat he had just grilled to me. I went straight for him, shuffling my feet against the floor towards him. He didnt open his arma to embrace me at first but that was because he didn't know exactly what I wanted. I pressed myself against his chest, my head leaning against him. A small whimper escaped my mouth and thats when his arms wrapped around me. I felt his soft lips kiss my forehead several times before he spoke.

He smelled so good, a smell of burning campfire, roasting of marshmellows. He was so warm and he felt so good to have and yet all he had to do was wrap his arms around me. I curled into him, wanting to cry on his shoulder but again no tears came.

"Babygirl, whats wrong?" He asks. I can't find myself to come up with words, only shake my head. I could feel the tears now but it was only one, maybe two.

"Sweetheart," Mads sighs holding me even tighter.

"I don't know whats wrong with me," I mumble into his chest.

"Nothing is wrong with you, you just need to tell me whats bothering you, we can fix this."

"I don't know whats bothering me, its everything," again I mumble not making any sense. My voice cracks and I find myself sobbing into his button up shirt.

"Okay, ssshhh, it's gonna be alright, baby, don't worry."

I felt Mads's lips on my forehead, kissing softly once then a few more times comforting me. His arms tightened around me almost protectively and possessively. Our moment seemed to dissipear into thin air as Troy let out a cough to remind us of his presence.

"What did you eat today?" Mads asks.

"I wasn't hungry," I mummmble into his chest.

"Nothing? You didn't eat anything today?" He asks almost frustratedly.

"I was just so tired..."

"I'm telling you-" Troy begins to say but Mads shushes him rudely.

"She doesn't need that now," Mads scolds. Troy ignores him and tries to get my attention instead.

"Alison," Troy says, his voice was darkc concerned and caring nonetheless.

"How are you feeling? Emotionally," he asks hurriedly.

"Troy," Mads scolds.

"She needs help! The sooner the better," Troy counters just as agressively.

"I know! But if you push her, she will only get worse."

I feel his grasp on my body become tight, almost uncomfortably tight.

"Well, when you come home and find her drunk, high as a kite, or hanging from your ceiling, give me a call," Troy says in a rough tone.

I hear his heavy footsteps angrily storm off. The front door opened then slammed shut, shaking me as the slam reverberated.

Did he really expect me to kill myself? Drown myself in a bottle of alcohol? Self medicate?

"Lets eat," Mads says ignoring the situation and letting me go from his protective grasp.