I'm Here to Fix You - Broken Souls Series #2

Nobody can save me

The song in the description is "Nobody can save my now" by Linkin Park

CHAPTER 4 - NOBODY CAN SAVE ME

SILVIA'S POV

Shouldn't it be an easy decision? Shouldn't I have a precise idea of what I want to do? Then why, why did I spent the past two hours staring at my phone, wondering what if ...

What if I cancel on Matt and call Jake? What if I act on my hormones instead of be always rational? What if I finally get rid of this goddamn trouble called virginity and just ... go with the flow? What if I spend one night of passion with my employer and then act like nothing?

Would it be cheating? Would it be right or wrong? Matt and I aren't a couple, are we? And Jake, he talked about teaching me a thing or two, not about dates and stuff. His aim, like I've known since the beginning, is to simply give me what I've been missing since so long, namely, the physical side of a relationship. In other words, sex. But Matt ...

Basically I need to pick between sex and romance, I suppose. I mean, Matt gives me the cute side of a relationship, we simply hang out, go on dates, without any expectation whatsoever. We have a good time talking and laughing together, yet while we do know it's a date, a real, official date, we don't make such a fuss of it. I like it. 

I like that he doesn't ... pressure me into anything. Most guys I've gone out with were convinced they'd hit jackpot on the first night, and when they didn't, either they never called back, or they made up lame excuses for not seeing me again. I never bothered, but now with Matt I see what's the real thrill in ... you know, spending some time with someone that isn't exactly a friend.

I've only ever had one boyfriend, and he was a complete and utter jerk. Then I focused on my career, and restarted "dating" only once I arrived in Boston, and merely because Tess hooked me up with this or that guy. It's not even something I bother about, I take for granted it'll come when it'll come, no big deal, however ... hormones aren't exactly easy to control. I can be as rational as I want, but like I said, a girl has needs ... and when a guy like Jake Watson offers to satisfy said needs, not even for one like me is easy to refuse.

I groaned, frustrated, standing up, and threw my phone onto my bed. Ugh, why am I even dithering? He's a jerk for crying out loud! If I didn't give it to that asshole that was my ex, why should I just give it up to Jake Watson?

God, all this ... abstinence must be really getting to me if I thought I should just take up the perverted offer of some guy I've known for a month. A guy I incidentally can't stand, by the way. I blame all those women flirting with him, shamelessly fangirling over him, yet here I am, considering giving up my every principle just to get rid of a stupid itch.

I don't need to get laid. I need something real. I want something real ... or at least I think I do. I've never been much of a sentimental type, so I don't know, I guess I just always assumed it would be best to give it to one guy and stick to him.

Besides, women in my family aren't exactly lucky when it comes to men, so it's a wonder I am even willing to be in a relationship. Then again, after Alex, I don't think I can do worse. Worse than a jackass that's cheated on me with all of our classmates I don't think I can do, can I?

Ugh, look at me, even getting worked up about this whole damn situation. What's to fuss about? It was a perverted offer and I'll just turn it down, easy breezy. And if he keeps on coming on me, I'll just report him to HR. What's there to doubt?

Inhaling deeply, I decided I'd take a walk around the block. Matt's picking me up in a couple of hours, I need fresh air to get rid of all these stupid ideas I've matured in one day. So I quickly changed into something comfortable, grabbed my keys, phone and wallet, and headed out, considering maybe going to buy some groceries.