I'm Here to Fix You - Broken Souls Series #2

This time I really did it

CHAPTER 41 - THIS TIME I REALLY DID IT

SILVIA'S POV

I felt my head heavy when I woke, but I unconsciously reached out for him, smiling. I frowned when I realized Jake wasn't there. For a moment I panicked, and sat up. He's still too weak to do anything beyond standing more than 5 minutes. I calmed down when I spotted him by the balcony.

Jake was standing, back arched, his hands on the balustrade, head hanging low. I stood slowly, my head still a little dizzy. The new antidepressants are really, really strong, I still gotta get used to them, but the doctor says it's normal that they make me sleepy at first.

Truth be told, he keeps saying I should see a psychiatrist, but he knows I'm never gonna listen. My parents don't even know I take these meds, imagine if they knew I'm seeing a psychiatrist ... they would take the first flight to Boston even though they can't afford it.

I know it should be worrying, but ... a lot of people take medicines against depression, so it's fine. Just because I take them a little more often now, doesn't mean it's this big of a deal. My neighbor takes antidepressants daily, and she's fine. To be honest, I've never understood why do Americans call them drugs. To me drugs and medicines are a totally different thing, aside from those drugs that can be used for medical purposes.

Leisurely, I headed to the balcony, rubbing my eyes. I would have smiled at the sight of Jake half naked on the balcony, sexy as hell, but he also looked deep in thought, which is never really a good thing. So I sneaked up on him, and wrapped my arms around his torso, just like that last time at the dock. I tried to smile, even though he flinched. "Hey, baby ..."

I could feel his chest rising and falling beneath the gauzes, but he didn't move. I left my head on his shoulder, my smile fading. "You alright?"

Jake reached for my hands, and squeezed them tightly in his. "I should ask you that." His back tensed.

"What do you mean?"

Jake turned around, leaning against the balustrade, a grim look on his face. He was still all gauzed, but he looked visibly better. Phew. "Are you alright?"

"I ..."

"After what you did, are you alright?"

"I don't understand, I ..."

Jake glared at me, and my heart sank. "How can you even live with yourself, Silvia?"

"I ..."

"You just let her die there. She died to save you." His jaw clenched. "Matilde died to save the pathetic human being you are, and you can't even value her sacrifice."

I swallowed, tears welling up in my eyes. I knew he'd see it this way. "I ..." my throat clogged up with tears. It felt as if a heavy load were stuck in my chest, and I couldn't speak, only listen.

"I, I, I ... do you even hear yourself?" Jake raised his voice. "You're nothing but a selfish hypocrite. Always thinking about yourself, always you, you, you. News flash, bitch, you're not the fucking Sun, the world doesn't revolve around you and your frigid little heart."

"I ... know that, I ... you don't understand ..."

He laughed wryly. "Oh, I understand very well." He scoffed. "I understand that on top of being a coward, you're also an ungrateful little bitch."

"Hold on a sec, you can't talk to me like that, I-"

"Oh, please. I talk to you how the hell I want." He spat. "You don't even deserve to be alive, and you claim respect?"