Just this once

Chapter five

Erika's POV

Utterly pissed at myself I make my way to my locker, thrusting it open and slamming my books down.

'How could I have been so stupid?

What if he saw the marks and tells someone?'

I couldn't help it- when they started talking about that I slipped

'If my parents find out-'

I am interrupted from my thoughts by two high- pitched voices.

'Great.' As if my luck couldn't get any worse two of the populars decided to have a conversation by my locker.

"Uggggh my weekend majorly sucked."

"Why, what happened?"

"My parents made me vacuum the entire house! It totally ruined my mani-petti! Ugggggh My life is the worst!"

I slam my locker shut, my eyes blurred

with angry tears not yet spilt as I run through the hall.

'You know nothing of a horrible life...'

I'm about to burst through the front doors when a strong hand grabs my arm. I whip my head around and am faced with big blue eyes, Hunter. I sigh and look him in the eye.

"Let me go Hunter."

"Not until you tell me what I saw in class." He noticed me? Mr. Popular noticed me?

'No, he didn't Erika, he's just toying with you.'

I decide to play dumb, he doesn't care and he doesn't need to know.

"I don't know what your talking about."

"Yes, Erika, I think you do." Mr. Popular noticed me and knows my name? No- Stop this Erika, do not brew false hope, he is toying with you. He doesn't care, he will be just like everyone else who pretends to know you then turns their back when you even slightly lean on them. I'm about to open my mouth when I realize his hand is slowly moving towards the end of my sleeve, I quickly yank my arm out of his grip and put a hand to his chest pushing him against the nearest locker.

"Listen here, Hunter. Whatever you think you saw you should just forget it- you don't know me, and don't need to try and be involved in my life.

You know nothing- nothing about me." His hand shoots out from beside him and throws my sleeve back revealing all of my scars, panicking I drop my hand furiously tugging my sleeve down while slowly backing away as Hunter walks closer to me.

His bright blue eyes are wide in shock as his brain processes what he just saw. Although he doesn't say it I can hear the words inside his head.

'Emo freak.'

Freak.

Emo.

Freak.

I choke back a sob; causing my voice to crack.

"Please, just leave me alone."

His eyes soften and he reaches for me again, causing me to flinch and back away more.

"Erika-" He whispers but I barley hear him, I am flying out the door before he can finish his thought.

I run all the way home not stopping till I'm on my front porch. Thankfully no one is home.

I run to the bathroom throwing down my things and slamming down the toilet seat.

I slump down with my head between my legs, shoulders heaving with sobs that wrack my body.

All of a sudden I can't take it.

I snap my head up an lunge for my bag fumbling around until I see the silver gleam of my blade.

One for letting him see.

One for never being good enough.

One for thinking I could maybe trust him.

One for being too weak to handle this without the blade.

More, more, more, so many cuts- so much blood.

Before I realize I am sitting in a pool of my own blood and my wrist throbs, I look down to access the damage; how many layers of coverup I need to conceal and grimace.

I made them too deep, this will be hard to hide.

I grab a wet washcloth and wipe up the blood that I am surrounded by and dab at my fresh cuts.

I deserve this.

I deserve this...