All She Wishes | Shawn Mendes | ✔

05. Of Wishes And Pillows

"No smile is more beautiful than the one that fights with tears."

⚪

I SPUN AROUND so fast, it sent my hair whipping into my face, thereby obstructing my vision.

I managed to pull my hair back from my face and I saw Shawn fuming as he stood in front of me. I could literally see the steam coming out of his ears. He looked so angry, I didn't know what to expect next.

"What are you doing in here?" He ground out.

I tried to speak, but all that came out of my mouth was gibberish. I couldn't compose a complete sentence.

"Get out." Shawn hissed, and his glare penetrated deep into the depths of my soul. "Now."

"I'm s-sorry," I started to apologize. "I-I.."

"Get out of here!" He shouted me down, and I could feel the all too familiar tears springing up in my eyes.

Karen appeared at the door and looked back and forth between Shawn and I. "What's going on here?"

"It's nothing," I said, but my quivering voice betrayed me. "I was just leaving,"

I walked briskly to the door and Karen stepped aside. As I walked — ran, rather — down the stairs, I heard Karen and Shawn begin to speak to each other. I couldn't hear what there were saying, but he sounded really angry while she sounded like she was trying to get him to explain what had just happened between us. Not that I'm a snoop or anything, but on a normal day I would have eavesdropped. Now? I didn't even care any longer. All I wanted to do was to cry my eyes out.

I couldn't comprehend how fast I ran, but in three minutes, I was in my living room with tears running down my face. The entire house was silent so I guessed that my parents weren't at home. I pushed myself into my bedroom and turned the lock.

With a tear-stained face, I yanked a pillow off my bed and screamed into it with all my might. It didn't give me the satisfaction I had hoped for, so I screamed again. Louder, this time. My throat felt dry, but I didn't stop. I continued screaming into the pillow as I collapsed to the floor, a sobbing mess.

At this point, I didn't care if I hurt myself. In fact, I was mad at myself. Mad at myself for making Shawn mad at me. All I wanted to do was to please him. From the first day Shawn and I began our confusing relationship, all I'd ever wanted to do was to please him. I wanted to make him happy with me, and maybe then, he would love me.

I wanted him to love me. Why didn't he love me? I had never been able to answer that question. And perhaps I never would. My love life was horribly messed up case.

The pillow slipped out of my clutch after all my energy had been drained from screaming. My head ached from so much crying and the burning sensation in my throat was an entirely different pain. For the next few minutes, I just sat there on the floor in utter silence as I thought about how Saturday was going to go. I didn't feel like going with the Mendes' to their lake house anymore and I wondered why I even agreed to it in the first place.

Oh, that's right. It was all for the sake of spending time with Shawn.

Things were bound to be awkward between us, especially after what had just happened. But I couldn't find it in myself to chicken out because I knew how much Karen cared for me and the relationship I shared with her son. I didn't want to let her down by cancelling now. It was Thursday today which meant I had only one day to psych myself up for what Saturday was going to be like.

A knock on the door yanked me back into reality.

"Eiffel?" I heard my father say. "Are you in there?"

"Um, yeah," I winced as I struggled to get myself off the floor. My legs were as limp as noodles and I had to grab onto my bed post in order to prevent me from crashing back down to the floor like a big bag of fudge.

"Just give me a minute," I said, making my way to the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom.

My throat was sore now and with every single word I released from my mouth, pain followed with it. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and truth be told, I looked horrible.

Streaks of dried black tears ran my face and it made me question why I even wore mascara; I would be better of without it since I cried a lot. My eyes were puffy and red and all of this would be tell tale signs to my dad that I'd been crying for the past half hour.

I turned on the faucet and did my best to wash off my ruined makeup. I dried off the water from my face with a towel and took a deep breath before opening the door for my father.

My mom was standing beside him too and they both had worried looks on their faces. I'd be worried too if I had a daughter who wouldn't tell me about the roller coaster relationship she was having with her boyfriend.

"Mom, dad," I greeted, stepping aside so they could come in.

"Honey, are you okay?" My mom asked carefully.

"Of course I am," I lied without giving a thought to it. It was sort of my thing now. Lie about being okay while my heart is literally falling apart into a thousand pieces.

"What makes you think I'm not okay?" My attempt at a laugh was pitiable.

"Your voice, Eiffel," my dad spoke up. "It's raspy,"

"And your eyes are red," my mom added. "Sweetie, have you been crying?"

"Crying?" I scoffed. "Now way. I just got exposed to a chemical at school during chemistry and it made my eyes water, but I've taken something for it so there's nothing to worry about,"

The rate at which I was coming up with these lies terrified me to say the least.

My parents sighed deeply. My mother walked forward and took my hands in hers while my father stood right behind her with the same concerned look she had on her face too.

"You are our only daughter now, Eiffel," She said to me. "And your dad and I love you very much. We understand that teenagers go through a lot of things and all we want is for you to be happy. We're here for you, Eiffel. We'll always be here whenever you want to talk. Right, Jared?"

"Of course," my dad said with a small smile that showed the dimples I'd inherited from him.

"I love you guys." I admitted, pulling my parents into a hug.

Somehow I felt at peace, something I hadn't felt in a long while. For a moment, all of my problems vanished and I felt like a little girl again in my parents arms.

"We love you too." They said, and I found myself thinking about Shawn, wondering when he would say to me that he loved me.

⚪⚪

Hope you liked this chapter! Vote, comment and share!

Love you! 😘😘