I MARRIED A FAN. [J.JK] BOOK2

9"

A/N:  juicy deep shit in this chapter — real explanation of stuff ; I think this is my fav chapter so far lol

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Jung Kook carried me to the emergency room in the hotel and the nurses took care of my hand.

"Miss Eva!", some of the staff came running towards me. "Are you okay?!", they asked. I just smiled as a response, "I'm alright, you guys just go, you have work to do.", I said.

"Okay, we will check on you later, Miss!", they all waved and exit the room. The nurses were finished and they all went out as well.

"They all love you. Are you this successful?", Jung Kook sat on the tip of the bed, near my feet. I sat up straight, "Well, I guess hard work paid off. When I was in university, I had to take about four to six part time jobs at the same time, to take care of me and Eun He. I told my parents not to give me money, I wanted to take care of myself.", I replied with a chuckle.

"You are such a hard worker, I envy you.", he cupped my right cheek with his right hand. He rubbed the skin with his thumb under my eye very softly. My face heated because I realised how much I had missed that touch. His touch.

"Y-Yah.. you are so successful. What are you talking about?", I asked him. He just smiled at me, "BTS is not going to be around forever, I know we are taking a little break and we have to go entertain people soon again. But, I really want to own a duck barbecue place.", he giggled.

"Then go for it but, now you are a singer. With your brothers, that's just so amazing. Cherish the job you have right now. I'll be with you for every performance, I'm not letting you leaving me again.", I smiled back at him.

"Really? You mean that?", his smile grew wider. I nodded with a giggle. He then pinched my cheeks, "You alley rat, you will sing the song we made six years ago, live, with me!", he laughed.

"Sure, I would love to.", I laughed along. Then I got a phone call from my business phone, "Hello?", I asked.

"Hey, Miss Eva. It's me, Hope.", a voice replied. I could hint a smile on her face.

"Yeah? What's wrong?", I asked again. "I'm just saying, since you told me to talk to Sung Min, we are closer now.", she chuckled.

"That's amazing, keep up.", I smiled. "Are you sure you're okay with this?", she asked to reassure. "Of course, I'm married. It's okay, I have my husband now.", I eyed Jung Kook and his face was really really very very very red and he averted his eyes away from mine.

"Okay, thank you.", she giggled and I hung up.

Jung Kook and I went back to our room and we just watched movies. We didn't cuddle, we didn't kiss, we didn't do anything. We were seperated, as if there was a wall between us.

Yes, we did kiss back when I was crying but I guess that was just the overwhelming mood surrounding us to kiss. Although, that kiss had a very deep feeling behind it, we both were scared to bring that up.

Confession.

We both were scared to continue on with that subject because, I— myself, was scared to be hurt again and Jung Kook was scared to hurt me again.

We both needed fixing, honestly. If we both knew our limits, we would be the happiest arranged married couple ; or the happiest just married couple.

Just looking at our relationship, and our ups and downs together, I knew that we are meant to be for each other ; because the couples who are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that's suppose to tear them apart but they become stronger.

I guess, Jung Kook's relationship with me was like that. Honestly, I was glad.

Yes, correct, he hurt me, neglected me, betrayed me. Getting furious, mad and disgusted was my control but, falling in love with him?

It was way out of my control.

I was beginning to trust him, I wanted him to HOLD me, as tightly as he can ; tighter than ever before. I needed him to HOLD me.

I wanted to feel the real touch, not the drugged touch, his real touch. His warm perishable touch— I want to make that touch imperishable ; his imperishable touch only on me.

If he would be drugged again, it would be my drugs. I would give him my love— as I said on my wedding day ; I gave him all of me, blood, sweat, heart and tears.

At that point, just sitting apart— watching movies with him, I think I already given him everything of me.

All of the things you see in book, movies, etc like, "I am having butterflies." — to indicate they are starting to feel something, feel love. For me, fuck butterflies, I feel like I'm having the whole zoo when I'm with him.

Thinking of him makes me damn awake, dreaming of him is the reason why I always wake up late and being with him, keeps me alive.

And,

there was always something when he stares at me. It's like a blind man seeing something for the first time. I could always hint it. When we were younger, he was also staring at me like that. But I was too dumb to know, I wasn't such an expert with boys or love.

I just want to take this whole marriage down and get to know him better— as a friend first, then as my boyfriend and then maybe as my real husband.

But I couldn't. My parents' happiness worth more than mine. I couldn't do it, I wasn't selfish like that.

And I wanted Jung Kook to deserve the real happiness, I wanted to give that to him. I believed that I can give him the pure happiness ; along with feeling loved.

By me.