These Wings Are Made To Fly || Pesy

Chapter 5

Jesy
Going through social media was a bad idea given my current health condition, which did more harm than good. These last two weeks had been pure hell. Nothing had gotten better. My headaches were ten times worse, my nausea had come to the point where I barely could walk without feeling like I'd fall over. I had trouble speaking, my memory was failing me. My setbacks affected everyone; our Mixers, my girls, Perrie...I wasn't the only one who suffered.

Our Mixers didn't get the show they deserved, considering I forgot lyrics and the dance routines, so my girls had to step in and fix what I messed up. My girls couldn't, or wouldn't, give their all as they were busy worrying about me and making sure to fix everything I did wrong. Perrie had a lot more weight on her shoulders, since she constantly worried about me and took care of me.

People noticed my significantly decreased ability to perform. It didn't go unnoticed, couldn't go unnoticed. Heartless idiots, as most people were, decided to point out all my flaws and mistakes on social media. They wrote mean things to and about me on Twitter and Instagram, put together videos where I forgot the song lyrics or the dance routine, made fun of me by posting pictures that were taken at a bad timing, photoshopped pictures of me and wrote mean captions. Some even sent death threats. Others just hoped I'd drop dead, so "I could stop ruining Little Mix".

Reading and seeing all those things hurt. My heart broke a little bit for each mean comment I came across. Usually I'd ignore the bad things and focus on the good, but as I was slowly falling apart both mentally and physically, it wasn't the easiest thing to do.

Cuddled up in the king-size bed I shared with Perrie, wearing nothing but a black hoodie and grey sweatpants, sad tears streamed down my make-up-free face as I read every single mean tweet and comment about me.

@PezPrivateShow: She ruined Little Mix back in 2011, she's ruining Little Mix now. Please Jesy, just leave the group! You don't fit in!

@PrincessJade: My Jade doesn't deserve to be in a group where ONE member ruins everything for everyone else. Jesy should leave. Little Mix is not for her.

@IHeartPerrie: All Jesy's ever done during her time in Little Mix is drag Perrie down. Pez should break up with her and go solo. She's too good for Jesy and Little Mix either way, so...

@DangerousLeigh: Dangerous Woman Tour the last two weeks has been a DISASTER. Jesy Nelson doesn't just ruin everything for herself, she's ruining everything for her bandmates as well.

Those were just some of the hundreds tweets I received every hour. Reading how I didn't fit in, how I didn't deserve to be in Little Mix, and how I ruined everything, hurt like hell. At every tweet I read, an invisible knife dug into my heart, causing a nearly unbearable pain and tons of emotions to pour out of the non-existent stab wound.

Moving on to Instagram, the comments there weren't any better. There, those heartless losers had crossed the freaking line by commenting on my relationship with Perrie. Most of the comments were along the lines of "How can Perrie even stand to be in a relationship with you? She must be humiliated to the core!", "You don't deserve Perrie", "Pesy is not real for shit. Your relationship is as fake as it can be", "Why don't you two do everyone the favour and break up? You DISGUST me!"

"How can such a cute, innocent picture get so many mean comments? What have I done to deserve this?" I asked myself as tears rolled down my cheeks.

Inspecting the picture, I couldn't see anything that could possibly make people angry. Did the dog filter annoy people so much that they were capable of being mean towards the users? Was it the caption? Did I write something inappropriate? Offending? Cruel?