These Wings Are Made To Fly || Pesy

Epilogue

~ Two weeks later ~

Perrie
These last two weeks had been nothing but difficult. Emotionally and physically. Whoever said time could heal all wounds lied. No time in the world had the power to heal the hole in my heart. The hole would always be there.

Jesy took everything the moment her heart stopped beating. The world turned grey because all of the colours disappeared with her. Laughter had turned into crying. Smiles had turned into frowns.

Movies that were supposed to be funny, to make me laugh until I couldn't breathe, made me cry. Scottish accents tugged at my heart, because they reminded me of her. Your Love was no longer a song I slow danced to. Now it was a song I listened to while I cried myself to sleep.

We laid her to her final rest two days ago. The funeral was beautiful, very emotional. It was held at Church of St. Edward in Romford, her hometown. Only family and friends were invited.

Jesy's ex-fiancé Jake Roche, our mentor in X-Factor Tulisa, her mum Janice, Leigh-Anne, Jade and I had written an eulogy each.

Although it was difficult to talk about the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but who no longer was here, it was even more difficult to listen to what everybody else had to say about her.

Janice's eulogy was the most heartbreaking. She said such beautiful things about her youngest daughter, brought up her favourite memories from when her daughter was a little girl until she became a grown woman.

Jake had everybody in tears too. He was one of the people who genuinely loved Jesy, who cared about her and always wanted what was best for her. The saddest yet most beautiful part of it all was when he pulled out his guitar and sang Ed Sheeran's Tenerife Sea.

Once upon a time, Tenerife Sea was their song. Ed came out on stage at Manchester Arena during soundcheck, pulled out his guitar and performed the song when Jake went down on one knee and proposed to Jesy.

By the time it was my turn to speak, I'd cried so much that I had make-up smeared out all over my face. I could barely speak, either. My voice cracked each time I tried. As did my heart. But with a little help from Leigh-Anne and Jade, I eventually managed to say what I wanted to say.

Not a day went by where I didn't think of her, where I didn't miss her. She was on my mind 24/7. I couldn't seem to get her out of my head. I saw her whenever I closed my eyes, and it just hurt me even more, because I knew she wasn't real, I knew she'd be gone the moment I opened my eyes.

I missed her so incredibly much. I missed the bickering between her and Leigh-Anne. I missed the sound of her voice. I missed her laugh and all the silly faces she'd pull in the most unexpected times. I missed her hugs. I missed having her next to me. I missed her.

Every night, I lied on her side of the bed. I slept in her light pink silk nightgown. I hugged her pillow and pretended it was her I was hugging. And I cried myself to sleep every single night because losing her hurt more than I could put into words.

Each day was a battle. A battle I was about to lose. I barely pulled through. Jade and Leigh-Anne, and the promise I gave to Jesy were the only two reasons why I kept going, why I decided to wake up everyday.

A few weeks ago, rather late at night, when I lied cuddled up with Jesy in our king-size bed, she told me she didn't want us to give up the band just because she wouldn't be part of it anymore. I promised her we'd continue with music, gave her my word we wouldn't throw away everything we'd worked so incredibly hard for. Leigh-Anne and Jade promised her that too.