The Cure

Chapter 12: You don't exist

Thank you for over a hundred reads, it means a lot, x

I left my room after one of the best sleeps of my life, to see Nathan, his arm lying over the sofa, almost reaching the floor, his shirt on the floor, and a blanket strewn across his sleeping body. Tiptoeing across the floor, I manage to make it to his side, where I see his innocent, pure, sleeping face, making it hard for me to believe he has done the things he has. He looks so peaceful, the permanent crease in his forehead gone. It is easy for me to picture him as a child now, a younger version of himself with the smile I rarely see always on his face, running and playing with his friends.
I smile to myself and creep away, not wanting to wake him. I've heard him get up in the night and make himself food or get a drink. Sometimes, I hear the t.v.
"Lily?" A husky, raspy voice asks, just as I reach the kitchen. When I peek over, I see he is still asleep but has rolled over. "Lily? I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whines, sadness clear in his voice, and not wanting to hear him sound so upset, so hurt, I rush over, shaking his shoulder lightly.
"Nathan, I'm here, wake up," I say and watch him slowly open his beautiful, big green eyes and smile with relief when they land on me.
"Hi," he whispers, laughing shortly.
"Hi," I reply and walk away, seeing that he is okay. Why was he saying sorry? What could he be sorry for?

"Shit, no. I cant tell Lily, not yet, okay, I will," he whispers, the door to his room shut tightly trying to block me out. Of course, being as curious as I am, I knock the door, using the excuse of breakfast being cooked to ask about the phone call.
"Who was on the phone?" His expression hardens and the hand he uses to hold his fork is held still, hovering above the bacon. His change in mood, the shift between happy to unnerved concerns me, and so I become suspicious.
"Urmm, Kyle," he stutters, immediatley eating again, trying to act like the last few seconds never happened but I will not forget it. If he has nothing to hide, if he has done nothing wrong, why is he acting so strange?
"What do you not want me to know then?" I ask, buntly, not avoiding the question any longer than I have to.
"W-w-what? I don't know what you mean," he stutters, and so I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
"Don't act stupid, I heard you and Kyle on the phone, and apparently there is something he wants you to tell me but you won't, so tell me," I demand, hating lies and secrets and hating the fact that this may be our first argument.
"No." I stand there, shocked.
"No?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you can't know, no matter what Kyle says, sorry," he answers, not phased by it, eating his food once again, and this, more than the lies itself, annoys me beyond belief.
"Whatever it is, I have a right to know, since I have kept a lot of your secrets and dealt with a lot of your shit," I answer, not quite beiveing how much of an idiot he is being.
"You don't need to know anything, just, no," he says, standing up and walking away.
"No, Nathan, I have kept the fact that you killed someone secret, and lied to cover it up, for you. I have had to deal with being threatened and hurt, again, because of you. I have also lost my friends due to something that happened, because of you. That is a lot for me to deal with in a matter of a few weeks especially in a new place, where I know no-one and nothing. I deserve to know whatever it is your hiding, because right now I'm thinking the worst and honestly, I'm scared. I don't want to be scared of you Nathan," I admit and see he is no longer pissed off, he is no longer annoyed, he is hurt. I know he hates it when I am afraid of him.
"You don't have to be scared of me, no matter what, I would never do anything to hurt you, ever, because you mean more to me than you think, but I can't tell you anything right now, I'm sorry," he apologises, rushing his words.
"How do I know that you aren't with another girl? How do I know you aren't a murderer?" I ask and he sighs, holding his head in his hands.
"You don't know Lily, you just have to trust me, which is what people who like each other do," he insults, venom in his voice.
"How can I trust someone who doesn't trust me? How can I trust someone who is lying and keep secrets involving me a secret from me?" I return and watch as he looks up at me.
"I do trust you, I do, but this is just, I just can't tell you and it doesn't involve you, I will make sure it doesn't involve you," he answer but it seems he is talking to himself more than me.
"Why are you being so mysterious? Just tell me the truth for God's sake!" I shout and see his bright, green eyes blaze with fury as he grabs the lamp on the table and smashes it against a wall. Instead of being frightened, like I should be, I am angry.
"I said I can't fucking tell you!" He screams, causing me to stand there, motionless. I want to scream back in his face, but I don't, instead, I walk away, back to my room, where I pack things in a handbag and prepare to leave for the second time.
"What are you doing?" He asks, and as I didn't know he was there, I jump a little.
"I'm hunting elephants, what do you think I'm doing?" I ask, more sarcasm then I intended dripping from my voice.
"Why are you leaving?"
"Why do you think? Do you think I can be with someone who lies to me and shouts and throws lamps when they get angry?" I ask and see his face fall, his frown more prominent on his lips.
I walk past him, shoving him out of the way, and heading straight for the door, where I am spun around by Nathan.
"Wait,"
"I'll stay if you tell me everything, if I mean anything to you," I whisper and see his face become torn. That's when I know he isn't going to tell me anything, and so I mean nothing to him because if he cared, he would explain.
"That's why I am leaving," I state and walk out the door, slamming it in his face. That's what he deserves.