Favorable (Jamilton)

22. Jefferson

The ride back was close to silent. No music, no conversation, no insults. 

Alexander just stared blankly at the dashboard with his knees pulled to his chest. The tear stains on his cheeks seemed to be permanent, they hadn't left at all since the first death. 

Thomas wanted to say something comforting. He wanted to tell Alex that things would be alright and that he'd survived this much, he could survive more. But then he remembered the conversation on the ride to the hospital initially, how Hamilton talked about how bad it would be if he lost his cousin and his mother. 

Not only did he lose both of them, he lost them in the same week. He had to go their funerals on the same day. He lost his entire family in one trip. Thomas couldn't imagine the guilt and blame that Alexander was putting on himself.

When they were back on campus, Thomas guided the two of them back to their room. Alex's stare rested on the ground while Jefferson pushed him along by the back, giving warning glances to the people that he recognized to tell them that it wouldn't be a great time to talk. 

They got into their room and that's when Thomas decided to talk. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He asked gently, talking like he was handling a noise activated bomb. "We could run up to the video shop if you want."

"You go, I just want to go back to sleep." Hamilton's voice was hoarse like he'd been screaming for hours on end, which is the exact opposite of what happened. He dropped like deadweight onto his bed and pulled the blankets up to his ears. 

Thomas sighed. "You understand that I can't leave you alone while you're like this, right? I know that this situation sucks for you but--"

"I'm not going to kill myself." 

Thomas hesitated for a second before saying, "I didn't say that."

"No, but it was pretty heavily implied. Let me ask you this, whose funeral did I just have to go to? The fact that you can even say 'which one' is beyond upsetting, but what's worse is that you're talking about me killing myself when I just saw my cousin, the closest thing that I've ever had to real a sibling and overall friend, being lowered into the dirt for that exact reason. So no, Thomas, I'm not going to kill myself." Alex pulled the blanket over his face and turned to face the wall. "Just go visit your sisters or something and leave me alone."

"I know you didn't mean that Alex," Thomas said lightly. 

"How do you know? Before we even went on that stupid trip, you hated me and I hated you. And another thing, would you quit talking to me like I'm five? I'm an adult. Stop pretending like you actually care about this and leave."

Jefferson wasn't going to deny the fact that he was definitely talking to Alexander like he was five. It was the same exact voice that would use on Anna or Randolph whenever something went wrong with one of them. It was supposed to be calming, but Hamilton didn't seem very calm or amused, so he tossed the script and went off of what he thought would be the right things to say. 

Thomas rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of Alex's bed. "I'm not leaving."

"Now really isn't the time for you to be a stubborn ass." the shorter man scooted closer to the wall. 

"Now is the best time for me to be a stubborn ass." Thomas flopped down onto his back. "You're upset. Beyond upset, probably, and I get that! I can't say I understand how you feel, but I know that you don't really want to be alone right now. Since I'm closer than the rest of your friends, you're stuck with me."