Favorable (Jamilton)

19. Laurens

John paced around the room nervously, tossing his phone from one hand to the other. The plan was to call Alexander an hour ago, but each time he had the number punched in, he would delete it and completely redo the script that he had for himself. He actually didn't understand why he was so worried about it, It's not like there was really anything to lose, the worst thing he could do is say no. At least, that's what Laf had been saying. 

"John, you just have to press the green phone button after you type the number and tell him how you feel, it's not hard," Lafayette said. He turned in his seat on the couch to face the man that was wearing a groove in the floor. 

"Easy for you to say, everyone knew that you and Herc were head over heels for each other. All you had to do was go to a park and boom! You two are inseparable!"

"And you two aren't? He shows up and we just sort of adopt him."

"That's different." 

"Ne sois pas une mauviette." 

"I'll be a wimp if I wanna be a wimp!" 

"Well, then could you do it the other room? I'm trying to watch this and as much as I care about you, your romantic failures are all but new." Lafayette turned back to the T.V., leaving his friend to wallow in his own awkwardness. 

John rolled his eyes and walked into his room. He looked at the screen on the phone, debating on whether he should just go with it and press the call button or if he should scrap it again. Eventually, he just pressed the call button, forcing himself to not think about it. 

Every ring went by agonizingly slow as John ran over what he would say again. Finally, after around three rings, someone picked up the phone. 

"Hey, Johnny," Alex yawned. "What's up, do you need something?"

In one last burst of panic, John ditched the game plan. 

"Just to talk, you know, see how you're doing. Did I wake you up? You sound tired." He internally screamed at the lame alternative to his original plan. 

"I was already awake. I was just waiting for my cousin to get back. Last I checked his shift wasn't this long. And now that I'm thinking about it, he really shouldn't have work today anyway, it being a weekend and all so I just don't--" He stopped suddenly and yawned again. "Sorry, my filter is completely shut down and I'm saying nearly everything going through my head."

"No, no, it's completely fine. Maybe you should, I don't know, go to sleep? It's pretty late and I'm sure your cousin is just out picking up food or something." John was half hoping that Alexander would go to sleep and half hoping that he'd stay up to talk. It was quiet for a solid five seconds before John finally heard a soft 'not yet' from the other of the phone. He decided it was the perfect time for a change of subject. "Well, how's traveling with the Lord of Ego?"

"Actually, I need to talk to you about that. . ." Alex seemed to be slightly more awake and nervous as he spoke. John could feel his own worry creeping up on him. 

"Oh?"

"I just. . . Okay, remember, it is more than completely okay for you to be one hundred percent honest here. It's actually preferred because this is pretty important."

"Alright." John nodded nervously, even though Alexander couldn't see it. 

"You know that you're my best friend, right? And I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you?" 

John made a throaty sound to signify that he knew. 

"Okay. I think. . . I think I maybe, might, just slightly possibly. . . have a romantic attraction to Jefferson." Alex lowered his voice and rushed the last bit, assumingly to keep Thomas from hearing and rush through the process of completely destroying what John had originally called for. Almost immediately, Hamilton was talking about him not acting on it at all if it made John uncomfortable in any sort of way. 

John asked the routine questions, just to make sure Alex really knew what he was talking about. Why he thought that, what made him think that, why he wanted to act on it, why he didn't. . . When he was done with the interrogation, he smiled sadly. 

"I'm okay with it," he said, careful to enunciate the words to keep himself calm and collected. Truth be told, he was okay with it. The thing that bothered him most was his own feelings. 

"Jack, you really don't have to say that just for me. If you aren't--"

"Ham, it's fine, seriously. You can't help how you feel and I think that you should. . . I think you should act on it if you really want to. If it makes you happy, I'm willing to tolerate him."

Again, it was quiet for a few seconds. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of slowly ticking seconds of quiet, other than the soft breathing from either end, a reply came. 

"Thank you, John. You have no idea how much that means to me," Alex said. "If you change your mind, just tell me. Seriously. I don't want to lose you, Johnny."

John was desperate for another change of the conversation. He was happy for his friend, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear every single detail about it. He treated Lafayette and Hercules the same, that didn't mean he loved them any less. He decided a fair one would be on how Alex was handling the situation that he was in, with his mom and all. 

The conversation went on for maybe twenty more minutes before Hamilton finally decided to go to sleep and just leave a note for his cousin. John said a quick goodnight and left his room, going back into the living room where Lafayette was laughing over some show that John didn't bother noticing. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed two spoons and the gallon of strawberry ice cream from the freezer, and went back to the couch to sit with Lafayette. Without saying anything, he handed the spoon to the other man. 

"That bad, huh?" Laf asked sympathetically as he took a bit of the ice cream. "Did he say no?"

"Oh, he did more than saying no," John muttered. He still wasn't angry at Alex or even at Thomas, he was just upset that he didn't get a chance. "Turns out he 'holds a romantic attraction' for someone else." 

"Did he say who?"

John glanced at his friend. Laf seemed to catch on with just the look. 

"Oh. . . Maybe. . . Maybe he changed, John. He might want to treat our favorite loudmouth better! You can't be mad at either of them for--"

"I'm not mad." John looked back down sadly at the ice cream and stabbed another chunk of the pink treat. "I told him that it was fine at least three times before he actually believed that I meant it." 

"And did you? Mean it, I mean. Are you really okay with that?"

"A part of loving someone is wanting them to be happy, right?" Lafayette nodded, taking another bite of the ice cream. "And you'd want Hercules to be happy no matter what, even if that meant he wasn't with you, right?" Again, he nodded, only with more of a sad touch this time. "It's sort of like that I guess. If Alex is going to be happy with Jeffer-- with Thomas, then I'm okay with it." 

Lafayette nodded and took some more ice cream. Then, with perfect timing, Hercules walked in. 

"Please tell me you're not going to eat all that by yourselves."

Lafayette and Laurens both looked at their friend with matching looks of 'do you know who you're talking to?'