Favorable (Jamilton)

26. Jefferson

As the autumn season went, Thomas got less and less sleep. Whether he was up all night studying for an exam or sitting with Alexander after a nightmare (which were becoming progressively more common and more severe), he was usually awake well into the night.

There were some nights where Thomas would actually get some sleep. He'd finish his studying early, it would seem like Alex was going to actually sleep through the night, he liked those nights because who wouldn't want an uninterrupted, catch-free full night's sleep?

Thomas put away his notebooks and glanced at his alarm clock. It was already three in the morning, which meant that his eyes were stinging from the strain and lack of sleep while Hamilton was snoring away on the other side of the room. Jefferson shut off the light and went to fall asleep in his own bed. 

As soon as his eyes were closed, there was familiar shuffling coming from the other side of the room. Thomas got up and turned the light back on and sat at the edge of the bed, ready for the moment that Alex would wake up trying to swim in his blankets. Sure enough, a minute later, the tossing and turning turned to mumbling which progressed to him actually crying in his sleep. 

But he wasn't awake. 

Typically, he'd wake himself up before he was to the point of sleep crying, but he stayed sleeping and moving under the blankets until Thomas felt the need to physically waking him up. It worked after a minute of trying, but he almost got punched in the face while Alex figured out that he was still in the dorm. Thomas sat at the end of Alexander's bed. 

"You good?" Thomas asked once Alex was somewhat calmed down. He shook his head. 

Thomas sighed and stood up before glancing down at the clock again. If it was both, there was practically no way that Hamilton would go back to sleep on his own. 

"How about a drive?" He offered.

"What about curfew?"

"We'll deal with it." 

"To where?"

"Anywhere, just a drive." Thomas grabbed his keys and threw a sweater at his roommate, who put it on without another word. 

It took everything they had not to laugh as they ducked by cameras and offices with their lights on hand in hand down the hallway. By nothing other than luck, they got out of the building without getting caught. They sat in the freezing car for a second, waiting for it warm up. After it did, they were off. 

After twenty minutes of driving to the sound of the radio, they decided to stop at the drive-thru for burgers at McDonald's, then they drove to a spot outside the city to sit in the now warm car and eat in peace. 

"So," Thomas started, swallowing a bite of his McDouble. "you've been having nightmares a lot more recently."

"And?"

"And I think you should see a psychiatrist." Hamilton flashed him a look but before he could say anything, Thomas was back to talking. "You have nightmares about God knows what practically every other day, your sleep schedule is shit, you lost your entire family in two days, you're obviously not over the hurricane, and you still have classes to do. That's a lot of stress."

"I don't need a shrink to tell me my mind is fucked, I have that much down," Alex muttered as he picked off a pickle from his burger. 

"Come on, Alex! It would help you get over some of that shit, you don't exactly have the greatest coping mechanisms." 

"They're fine."

"Staying up until you physically can't on nothing but spite and caffeine is not fine." 

"I don't need a psychiatrist!"

"Alex--"

"You know who sees psychiatrists? Neurotics. I'm not a neurotic and I don't need a psychiatrist!"

Thomas sighed as he realized that he probably wasn't getting anywhere with Alex.

"Fine, what's up with the jobs? You're going to stop doing them now, right?"

Alex looked nervous for a second. He set his burger down, patted his pockets, and pulled out both his phones before shoving them in the backseat under a giant blanket. 

"No, I'm not stopping them. The people that organized them actually took me in completely into their system. Said it'd be safer like that, they filter through all the job requests and tell me which ones aren't great choices." 

"You're kidding. Hamilton, you have to know that whoever is running that underground shit is just using you for money! He's just a sick son of a bitch--" 

Alex turned so quickly that Thomas actually thought he was about to get punched. "Don't say that, don't you fucking dare say that," he growled. It was so quiet and threating that Thomas almost wanted to leave the car. 

"Why do you care about what I say about them? They don't care about you, if you stop bringing money who knows what'll happen to you, you aren't anything than an income to them--" 

"It doesn't matter, just don't say that!" 

"No, it does matter! That's exactly what they are, they're just a bunch of mentally sick sons of bitches--"

"Stop saying that!" 

"--that don't give a flying fuck what happens to you--"

"Stop it!" 

"Why?!"

"Because that's the last thing I said to Peter, alright!?"

It got deadly quiet and for the first time, Jefferson noticed that Alexander was actually crying. Not just tears-in-the-eyes crying either, full streams running down his cheeks. 

"I don't. . . I don't know why I said that but I just, I don't know, I was just sitting there and I couldn't feel anything and I just-- I just said it. I wasn't thinking, and I don't know why I said it. . ."

"You were probably in shock or something, it's not your fault. . . But whatever they're forcing on you, you don't need to be there. They can't hurt you, trust me."

"I agreed to it." 

Jefferson almost choked on his burger. "why would you agree to that?! You don't need them anymore!" 

"I need to keep myself alive."

"I can help you with that!" 

"You have your own family to take care of and that family takes care of you, I'm not taking money from you or your family." Hamilton focused in on picking at his sandwich. 

Realization hit Thomas like a truck. 

"Sugar, they aren't going to be your family. They don't care what happens to you, they only care about how much money you're bringing in." 

"You don't know that."

"Why don't you come back home with me over Thanksgiving, then, huh? I can show what a real family would act like and you can tell me which you prefer. Deal?"

Hamilton was quiet. So quiet that Thomas thought he was trying to communicate telepathically. 

"I'll think about," he whispered. "Let's just go back now."

Thomas sighed and nodded, pulling off the side of the road to start the silent drive back.