A Believer: Smiling Again (Vol. 2)

Record 15: PTSD

Last night I know that there are something wrong in me. Not only last night but these past few days.

I observed that I acted different. And it is wrong or bad or anything that describe that I know it's not good.

I have an attitude.

I overthink a lot of things.

I have flashbacks.

And I hate it when there are words, things and events that reminds me of things or memories I was struggling to forget.

I always told my boyfriend that I am not normal..there's something wrong in me.

But he always said I'm normal.

I know I have anxiety.

But I discovered last night that I am more than that..I have PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Now, I don't know who should I tell and who will help me to get through this.

I know God is with me, but I also need people who will stays at my side and understand me.

I have flashbacks, social avoidance, tension headache, sleep disturbances, impaired concentration and irritability.

I lost control most of the time..

And I was worried about what others may think of me. That's why I choose to distance myself to them and  I'm not so attached to people.

I like to be alone but I don't want to be lonely.

It's hard for me to understand myself. What I want and what really satisfies me?

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