Autumn to summer in Penny Lane

November I kissed a girl

The kiss

Dance music blasted with a re-mix of 'young hearts,' blaring out across 'over the rainbow.' Glancing around the floor amongst the mix of flamboyant Queens with outrageous wigs and dresses that would put Lady Gaga to shame. Then there was the shy awkward geeky types (Caitlin despite her stylish and fashionable dress would admit to being part of this group), the butch and camp, plus the fashionable queers who wouldn't be seen dead in last week's fashion.

A huge wave and surge of happiness engulfed Caitlin as it always did in 'over the rainbow.' Somehow everything felt right as though she was at home. It was here Caitlin felt that she could be herself. No awkwardness of having to pretend or be tortured with her feelings for having feelings for women.

Slowly the waif indeed boy like girl Georgia danced close to Caitlin smiling. Both hearts were thumping in tune to the music as Georgia pulled a surprised Caitlin and proceeded to snog her. Instantly there was that lovely yucky feeling and enjoyment of feeling those soft warm lips. The pressing of Georgia's body pressed against her. A feeling that it was lovely and alive.

'No,' Caitlin smiled as she managed to pull away from the kiss as Georgia made another move. 'I'm with someone.'

'Are they as sexy as me?'

The only response was a slow touch of the arm as Caitlin slowly walked away with a smile of no hard feelings, I like you but I don't want to hurt your feelings as I'm with someone.

Georgia smiled like a runner up. Typically it was her luck that the long haired vamp would be taken. After all it made sense that someone like Caitlin wouldn't be single.

'She's very lucky.'

A pained smile broke out on Caitlin's lips. She felt guilty and the fact that she might be viewed as being a bit of fraud if she had corrected Georgia and said that Calam was her boyfriend. That Georgia wouldn't understand what it felt to be attracted to both sexes.

Once again that big surge of confusion swarmed around Caitlin's veins like a virus.  Was she really a lesbian?  Was her relationship with Calam just one of convenience?  To just smooth things over with her Dad.  But then that just wasn't true.  Caitlin did love Calam as she felt that gooey warm chocolate feeling in her stomach just like she had when it was Nicole or Ben, Rosie, Kristen and Bonzo who was the first to really break her heart. 

Caitlin's thoughts were distracted as Vanessa, Ryan and his arsehole boyfriend Arn danced over laughing and joking.  Nevertheless that feeling of who she really was raced through her mind.

A few days later

Whilst for many it would be deemed a normal working day for Caitlin and Vanessa it was a well earned day off.  Vanessa had called round and was casually lounging on the sofa as Caitlin made the pair a cup of tea before they went for their weekly swim and run together.

'I kissed a girl.'

Vanessa burst arched her eyebrows and burst out laughing.  'Katy Perry?  Ce, cool!'

'No, I really did kiss a girl.'

Now Vanessa shrugged.  Deep down she was quite conservative but it didn't bother her that BFF was bisexual.  'You kiss girls before, so?'

'Yes, but this was...' the voice trailed as the penny finally dropped for Vanessa.

'Oh.  So you fancy more than Calam?' 

There was a highly dramatic frown and throw of the hands from Caitlin.

'No.  I don't know.  What if I am really gay?  What if I'm just scared of being open?'

Now it was Vanessa who frowned.  It was good that her BFF felt that she could discuss this stuff with her but it still made her feel slightly uncomfortable.  After all Vanessa didn't know what it was like to fancy another girl.

'Slow down.  Who is this girl?'

'I don't know,' Caitlin stammered.  'I think she was called Georgia.  She made a pass at me when we were in over the rainbow the other night.'

'Oh, so you feel something?  You want to be with her?'

'No but I felt attracted to her.'  Caitlin paused how could she make Vanessa explain her feelings and her worry that she was simply hiding her sexuality by saying she was bisexual.

'But that is natural,' Vanessa replied.  'I bet Calam fancies other women.'

'Yes but he won't kiss them.'

'Neither did you.  She made a pass at you.'  'Look Cait you fancy both so sometimes when you are out you are going to like a girl.  Unless this Georgia means more than Cal.'

'Of course not but I...'  Another pause.  'I just wonder if I am saying I'm bisexual because it's easy to say.'

'How do you really feel about Calam?  Be honest does he make your heart beat fast?  Is he sexy?'  The last was said giggling which didn't endear Caitlin who felt Vanessa wasn't taking her dilemma seriously.

'Vanessa don't take the piss.'

'I'm not but only you know if you really like Cal.'

'I do.  It infuriates me because Cal can annoy but I love him.  There is that high of being with him and I love those beautiful deep green eyes.'  Caitlin was blushing.  'I do fancy him.  I did from the first time I met him and we seem to be right for each other.'

'There is your answer,' Vanessa taking a sip of her coffee.  'So don't feel guilty if you fancy a girl or a boy.  So long as it doesn't go further but then that's another matter.'

Caitlin breathed hard.  It had reassured her but then there was that screaming feeling that Caitlin wished that she was straight or gay rather than be that bit of grey between the two. 

'Maybe I should tell Cal about the kiss.'

'What?  Don't be silly.  It wasn't as if you made the pass.'

'But I still kissed her.'

Vanessa shook her head violently.  'Calam might be lovely but even he isn't going to be happy that you kissed someone else.  How would you feel if he did the same thing?'

There was a frown from Caitlin who knew she would hit the roof.  It wouldn't be enough for her to call time but she knew she would make Calam's life hell.

'I have to be honest.'

'Are things okay between you?  I mean kissing someone and all this are you saying you don't fancy Calam anymore?'

'Of course I still love Calam.  It was Georgia that made the pass and I... I don't know just got caught up briefly.'  Caitlin snapped.  'Sorry Nessa, all this has just threw me.'

That's okay,' Vanessa smiled as she hugged her friend.  'You can tell me anything but if this kiss means nothing then what's the point of rocking the boat?  A silly mistake is all it is.'

'I don't know,' Caitlin mused.

'I am right,' Vanessa smiled.  'Come on let's go and have fun.'

End of Part 1. 
Part 2 next week