My Psycho Friend

28.) Insane

**

I tried to slow my heart with deep breaths and mumbled to myself. 

"You can do it. You can do it." I repeated over and over again. 

The microwave beeped, the popcorn was done. 

I cautiously took the bag of popcorn out and opened it slowly so as to not burn myself. I dumped it all in the a big bowl. I grabbed it and paused as soon as I was about to leave the kitchen. 

I took a deep breath. 

This time I'll really do it.

"The popcorn's done." I said as I walked into the dimly lit living room. That was actually the third time I went to go make popcorn. I was planning to get out of here way before that but I couldn't bring myself to do what I needed to do.

Adam looked up and smiled up at me as I walked towards him on the couch with the popcorn. 

I sat down making sure there was enough room between us. I had been avoiding physical contact with Adam as best as I could. He was suspicious of my actions and I gave him the excuse that I was sick and didn't want to make him sick either. Of course that didn't work because he didn't care and still tried to touch and kiss me. And it was tiring pretending to be sick for the past couple days. 

"So what do you wanna watch next?" He asked as he reached over to me and grabbed a handful of popcorn. I put the bowl of popcorn on his lap and created even more distance between us on the couch. 

Adam noticed and looked at me confused. 

I need to stop holding this off. I just needed to get it over with. 

"Adam." I called his name even though I already had his attention.

"Yeah."

"I have to talk to you." I began. He looked at me, waiting for me to continue. 

"This isn't easy for me to say." I looked down at my hands, nervous.

"But I... We..." Damn it Jasmin, come on!

"What Jasmin, what is it?" He asked. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat up and scooted closer to me. I scooted back in response.

I watched the look of hurt shown on his face.

"What's wrong? And why do you keep doing that?" He asked.

"Adam, you know I love you."

"Yeah."

"But I think... I think we should break up." I paused for a second. I wanted to see his face but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. 

"It just doesn't feel right, anymore. I don't know what it is. And it breaks my heart doing this but I think this is the best." I said in a rush. 

"Break up? Jasmin we've been together for 3 years. Why?" He asked. He sounded confused. 

I finally managed to look at his face. He looked so worried. 

"I don't know Adam. It just... It just doesn't feel right."

Adam took my hand in his. "There must be a reason Jas... Is it because of what happened between Stephanie and I?" I shook my head. That wasn't it. 

"I told you that was nothing, I thought you understood that. I'd never do something with her and ruin what we have." He said. 

I shook my head again. "No that's not it Adam, I just want to break up, okay?" I said softly.