50 Shades Of Gay.

Chapter Ten.

~O~

It was a long time coming, and Niall knew that. He knew the tightening in his chest wasn’t normal and the butterfly stampede in his stomach meant something, but he had tried to ignore it and separate his mind and heart from his body because he wanted something different for the first time in his history of relationships.

He knew he was the type to get attached and that for him sex wasn’t just sex and he had thought he had found something new with Zayn- a new side of himself- but deep down he really knew that there was no way he could hide from his feelings forever- not that he didn’t want to try.

Especially now, as he became more and more aware of the way Zayn made him feel.

It wasn’t even that he really liked him- yes he did- because he actually really did detest his roommate before, but, well, he could admit that Zayn wasn’t half bad company and sometimes he made Niall laugh and other times he made Niall feel really giddy and he could cook well (when he tried) and he could do the whole sex thing really fucking well and he could do the cuddling after part even better.

Okay, so yeah, maybe Niall liked Zayn a little.

Or, well, maybe Niall liked Zayn a lot.

Either one, either way, he was kind of fucked because Zayn still didn’t indicate anything more than a sexual relationship, or maybe Niall was just dense enough not to see the way the other lad’s gaze would linger softly or how his arms would tighten around Niall’s body a little whenever Liam’s name was brought up.

Niall was actually very convinced these feelings were one-sided, like so convinced that the thought of telling Zayn how he felt made him clam up and start sweating like a fucking pig because he didn’t want to screw up their relationship. At this point, any relationship with Zayn was enough for him (not really) and if not telling Zayn how he felt meant he could keep the other bloke in his life, well, he would keep his feelings a secret.

However, it was much easier said than done because there were many times when Niall found himself a second away from telling Zayn, only to catch himself right before he would speak up.

It put him on edge, like really on edge, because he found himself freezing up around his dark-haired roommate in this weird way, and Zayn was sort of starting to notice.

“Hey Zayn,” Niall started, and then, he was thinking shitshitshit because he knew he was about to blurt out Ilikeyou but he couldn’t, no, he couldn’t do it.

It was just the two of them- again, which was unusual but lately they had found themselves alone, with Liam claiming to be busy with Dani and Louis and Harry being Louis and Harry and doing whatever they did.

Niall was kind of half-studying, half-trying not to watch Zayn move around the kitchen (fuck yeah he was cooking again; when did they get so domesticated?), but the dark-haired bloke made it look really graceful, all of his movements smooth and clean, really pretty and basically movie-worthy, and Niall was having a hard time concentrating on anything else, like his text book.

Of course, at the sound of Niall’s voice, Zayn turned around immediately, eyes seeking out Niall’s, and he looked at the blonde boy, who was turning a little red around the edges.

“Yeah, Nialler?”

-Niall really didn’t get any pleasure from the nickname-

But Niall was already saying, “Nevermind,” and turning back to his text book, where he proceeded to read and reread the same sentence about twenty times, not even understanding the words, which were really simple ‘the’s and ‘and’s.