Poetry

Save Me

I don't know when I lost myself but I'm gone
I look in the mirror everyday but still can't figure out what's wrong
I hate being so sick I don't even want to leave my bed
I wish I ment physically but it's all mental and it wants me dead
There's no hospital i can walk into to
Tell a doc I'm sick, get some meds, and be through
There's an entenal conflict within me
A war with no boundaries a price to pay but there's no fee
So sick I hate myself don't even want to leave the house
Heart so broken don't even know if I'm worthy for a spouse
A mind that wants to learn but can't
Too scared to do work but not weak enough to faint
I say I don't want to be a failure
Yet I watch my life go by like it's a movie trailer
I scream stop! Look out! Can't you see what's in front of you?
But I'm stealing healing from wounds the past gave me and I wish I only had a few
I want to put my life on pause and see if I can recover
But once I go down what's stopping me from staying under?
I need help I'm tired of watching time fly
I cry for help to a mute voice in the sky
I want to live and yet I'm so ready to die
I don't know what's wrong with me but that doesnt matter
I fail and stumble and it only makes people madder
"You should already be fine it's not a big deal"
"You're not trying hard enough it's like you love this feel"
They all say as they speak from sane minds
Sure they went though some trauma but they haven't lived in my mind
I only feel more like a freak for being sad
All I can do is cry and say "my bad"
"I don't want to be this way I wish you could belive me"
"I'm so tired I'd accept death if it would set me free"
But again it don't matter what I think or how I'm feeling
In the end In my own story I'm still the villain
I need a hero to come and save me please save me from this hell
I'd be my own hero but my mind is not well
I can't watch my life fall apart and only react with tears
It's hard to smile when everything happening is your biggest fear
Becoming a disappointment to your friends, family, your peers
I scream and I pray somebody somewhere can hear
I'm too much of a coward to take my own life
I can never hurt myself not even with a knife
But I need some release my soul is dying before my body rots
Being a hollow human I only want it to be a thought
I want to love and live and be happy
But so far life is telling me that's not my reality
Even lies don't sooth me any more
Life closes all windows while god locks all the doors
And my mind sets the house on fire and leaves me to burn
My soul will soon be ash and my body will be it's urn
Save me from myself before it's too late
Time is supposed to heal all wounds....but my soul can't wait
Its dying now and if no one and nothing can save me
When my sorrow drowns my thoughts in an endless sea
May i find death knocking on my door
And tell me I can stop fighting this war
And give me a better afterlife or leave me in darkness
Either way this life I shall not miss.
I love all my friends and in a way I'm glad I'm me
So they don't have to suffer and can live with glee
All these demons in my head so my friends can have an angel
They live in love while i live in hateful
Let this curse end and close the final chapter of this story
To all my friends I'm sorry I make you worry
One day this mind will stop existing and we'll all be free
From the tears, the pain,.. from me