Pastel Boy

Rumors And Pressure

(WARNING! This chapter includes a few trigger warnings: Bullying, self-harm, and self-hate. Please skip ahead if this makes you uncomfortable.)

(Mark's POV) 

Somehow, the fact that Ace went to jail got ALL around school. But, unfortunately, so did the fact that he took my innocence... And more unfortunately, they thought I gave him consent.
They were calling me names, such as slut, man-whore, and a bunch of others. They even started saying I let Jack do the same... I felt so attacked and pressured, and I couldn't take it. 
I dashed to the bathroom, crying from all the insults. I was so sensitive, it's not even funny. Only Felix, Marzia, and Jack knew how sensitive I really was. 
I looked at myself in the mirror, only to look at a mess. That mess was me. I heard the door open, but to my dismay, it was just more boys coming to mess with me. 

"Aw, is the slut gonna cry," one snickered. 

"Please, stop," I begged. "I-" 
"You're what? We know that you probably cheated on Jack with Ace! Didn't you!?" 
"No, I didn't!" I cried. 

"Yes, you did!! You're just a slut!"
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I finally screamed, running out of the bathroom. 

I couldn't handle much more of this. And the fact that I was keeping this from Jack was worse. I couldn't let him know. He was already worried about me as it was. I didn't want him to worry more. 

I just rode out the rest of the day, getting more insults as it went along. I didn't even sing in choir, which is a first. My teacher thought it was normal, since he heard what I ACTUALLY went through. He didn't base off of what everyone else was saying. 

But that was far from the truth. On the bus, I just put my earbuds in and didn't talk to anyone. Not even Jack. Once home, I put my stuff down, went to the bathroom and locked the door. I neared the drawer became hesitant to open it, where they were hidden...

I finally just grabbed one that wasn't covered in dried blood and began to slice my wrists. I didn't deserve him. He was kind, adorable, sweet... And that beautiful Irishman has given me everything... Those kids were right. I am everything they said... 
I knew I didn't deserve that. He's wrong when he says I'm beautiful or gorgeous... Cause' I'm really not. I usually cut in places where he wouldn't dare to look, like my stomach and my thighs. He'd never notice. But today, I took chances and cut my arms. I guess I'd have to start wearing long sle-

*Knock knock*

I jumped, cutting my arm real bad. I had to use all my strength to stop myself from groaning. That would get his attention.

"Babe," he began. "You've been in there fer an hour... I need tuh' use the bathroom."
"Oh!" I started, not noticing the time until now. "Sorry, Jack. I was just freshening up. I forgot my shirt. Could you get me a long sleeve, please?"
"Why a long sleeve?"
"Cause I'm cold. You don't want me to be cold, do you?"

I heard him walk away from the door, so I quickly put the razor back and hid them. I slightly opened the door and took the long sleeve he gave me.
I put it on and made sure that it covered the bandages, then cleaned up the blood. He couldn't see those or I'd be screwed. But, after he walked back out of the bathroom, he looked okay. Good... He didn't know. 

The next day at school, Jack noticed something was wrong. But, he thought it was just about what happened a few weeks ago. Everyone thought that... 
I checked my phone, only to see several messages from cyberbullies from the school: 

Anonymous1: Slut! 

Anonymous2: You're disgusting 

Anonymous:7 Go die!

Anonymous9: Cheater!

Anonymous3: You probably did cheat on Jack with Ace! You don't deserve Jack! 

He was right... I don't deserve Jack. I just wanted this day to end, since Friday was tomorrow... I could finally be by myself... 

I woke up early the morning. I hoped Jack didn't wake up any time soon. He had stayed the night, but I had... something I needed to do. He knew nothing about it.
I walked towards the bathroom, thinking about what he would do or say if he found out.
No, stop thinking like that! You've been able to keep it a secret for this long! He won't find out.
Well, hopefully he won't, anyway.

I slowly and quietly closed and locked the door. I became hesitant to open the drawer, where they were hidden...
I finally just grabbed one that wasn't covered in dried blood and began to slice my wrists. I didn't deserve him. He was kind, adorable, sweet... And that amazing Irishman has given me everything...
I knew I didn't deserve that. He's wrong when he says I'm beautiful or gorgeous... Cause' I'm really not. I usually cut in places where he wouldn't dare to look, like my stomach and my thighs. He'd never notice... But today, I took chances and cut my arms. I guess I'd have to start wearing long sle-

*Knock knock knock*

I jumped, cutting my arm real bad. I had to use all my strength to stop myself from groaning. That would get his attention.

"Babe," he began. "You've been in there fer an hour... I need tuh' use the bathroom."
"Oh!" I started, not noticing the time until now. "Sorry, Jack. I was just freshening up. I forgot my shirt. Could you get me a long sleeve, please?"
"Why a long sleeve?"
"Cause I'm cold. You don't want me to be cold, do you?"

I heard him walk away from the door, so I quickly put the razor back and hid them. I slightly opened the door and quickly took the long sleeve he gave me.
I put it on and made sure that it covered the bandages. He couldn't see those. But after he walked back out of the bathroom, he looked confused. 

"Mark?"
"Y-Yeah?" I asked, stuttering.
"Why was there blood on tha' sink?"

Shit.