I started writing this just before Joshua's birthday thinking it be out for it but :)) I wrote so much but I have no idea what I wrote
☀︎
Ever since Seventeen and your own groups collaboration last year at MAMA you had been shipped with Joshua. At fansigns and on social media you would be asked constantly about the American. Fans asked you if the many rumours and fanfictions were true, and you were certain he was getting the exact same questions.
Even your own group had joined in on the shipping. Whenever you were waiting in the corridors to go on stage with the other groups, one of the girls in your group, Hayan, who you considered to be your closest friend with a short bob hair cut, always dyed another bright colour and always with an equally bright smile on her face, would 'accidentally' push you into or in front of the group of boys. Joshua would always be the one to help you up, your friend probably running away sniggering to herself.
From the corner of your eye you swore you could see the other boys pushing Joshua towards you every time which just made the situation more embarrassing for you. Did he think you were falling to get his attention and was just playing along to be polite? Technically that was the reason, but it wasn't your choice. Or maybe he just thought you were clumsy? You got enough injuries anyway without getting pushed around.
☀︎
Life continued on for another few months. The endless shipping still going on between both fans and friends - even the camera crew for your tv appearances got in on it. Every time without fail the camera would pan first to Joshua as he brightly smiled and waved at the audience and then to you, making the fans scream even louder than before.
But these were the only interactions you had with him. Other than thanking him for helping you up when your friend was on her 'mission' as she called it and awkwardly smiling at him at brief encounters in busy corridors or on stage, you had no reason to interact with him.
However, even if you never actually spoke, you felt a sharp pang in your chest whenever he softly smiled back at you, and your hands always felt fuzzy as you watched him walk over to his group once you were back standing. It happened so often but you could never figure out why.
Your first thought was to go to Hayan as she seemed to think that she knew everything there was to know about you and Joshua's so called 'feelings' for each other, but her answer was already obvious to you.
"OUR (Y/N) HAS A CRUSH! I KNEW IT!" she would exclaim. "HAH EVERYONE OWES ME NOW. I'LL GET YOU A DATE DON'T WORRY, (Y/N)!"
Telling her would just give her the boost she needed to throw you and Joshua in a cupboard together. So not wanting to annoy Joshua anymore than you probably already had, and not wanting to waste your own time, you decided to keep your worries to yourself.
But keeping your thoughts to yourself just made them grow larger and larger, and you found soon enough Joshua was all you could think about.
'Screw these fans,' you thought bitterly, 'and Hayan. They've infected my mind with Joshua.'
You had always felt a great need to please your fans, which was quite normal. They were the ones that had helped get you this far after all. So whenever you weren't busy practicing, you were doing a vLive or on Twitter talking to your fans, taking in all they had to say to help improve your performances. But their ships should stay as ships. Hearing fans talk about your 'love' as if it was real was messing with your head, that's all.
☀︎
"YAH, (Y/N)!" Hayan shouted from the door of your dressing room, causing you and the other girls to jolt awake. She ran into the room and jamp on to the sofa next to you, pointing frantically at the tv. "Seventeen are on next!" The girls grumbled to themselves as it wasn't really as important as Hayan had made it out to be, but they all watched anyway.
