Marrying Him ?

Memories

When I opened my eyes after what seemed like a blissful sleep, I met with now somewhat familiar hospital ceiling. I started to remember everything happened before night, which made me cry. I really don't understand where I went wrong. What mistake I did that made Ajay hate me that much. I'm starting to hate myself.

"Ohh you got up! How are you feeling now," Isha asked me. She looks very stressed out. I feel bad that I'm the one who caused it.

"I'm ok. When did you come?," I asked her wiping my tears.

"Just an hour ago," she continued while holding my hand, "how are you really? I heard what happened at night" she slowly asked me.

"Nothing new. He said he fucking hates me," I laughed bitterly, "As if I did not know it....he keeps on reminding me"

"Ahaana! Its not true" she cautiously said, " he was here all night taking care of you....if he hates you as he claims he wouldn't have to be here"

"He is here to see whether I will live or die Isha....not that he cares for me," I snapped at her.

"Hana! Listens it's not like that.....he is there outside with a defeated and sad face waiting for you to wake up. he really cares for you....just try to think that there may be another reason for his ...."

"Ishani....if you want to sit here and try to make me forgive your lover....please you can go home. I'm fine and take care of myself."

"Ahaana! It's not that.....I just didn't want you people to.....arghh, " She left it incomplete.

"There is nothing between us....if anything is there it is his burning hatred for me. So please don't make my condition worse by taking his name in front me again," I almost begged her with silent tears.

"I'm sorry. I won't take his name again.," she said wiping my tears, "don't cry. It's his lose to not to see your goodness."

"Thank you."

Ajay left somewhere in the afternoon after I repeatedly refused to his face or hear his explanation. Later I begged doctor to discharge me quickly.... So I can escape from Ajay if he decides to come over again. I need time before I see him.

After promising Dr.Rohit that I will visit him weekly for my new sessions, he allowed me to go home. I begged no demanded Isha to let me stay in her home for a week. After my constant pestering she agreed to let me stay. I even made her get my clothes and essentials from Ajay's home. It was a battle between her and me...in view of my ways to avoid him. But using my sympathy card I won.

My session with Dr.Rohit on friday went Ok. Luckily Ajay's consultation room is totally in another block of the hospital....so I had luck of not facing him on way to my session.

Now my Ajay free week is finished. Even though I myself tried to avoid him as much as possible, I did miss him all the time. I'm sitting in Isha's bedroom and trying to muster as much as courage I can to face the devil tomorrow. After class I have to go home at any cost...Ishani's demand. She is now making me pay for hiding from Ajay.

After finishing class I took a cab to home....Ajay's home. It's time to face him. But when I reached home, call it luck or unlucky Ajay left for some meeting in another state. So I had four days to clear my mind and plan how to unlove Ajay.

So far I'm unsuccessful with my plan. I wish there is some unlove button. It will make people's life easy. There will be no heartbreaks, no suicides, no cheating. But unluckily we are not provided with that button. Like God wants us to suffer the consequences....like you loved him, now you bear it.

On thursday evening Grandma got a call that her elder daughter (Ajay's aunty) is being unwell and had to be admitted in hospital for short period. So she went see her daughter, and had to stay there for weekend. Grandma said that Ajay will be reaching home Friday evening after a party with his friends, for getting first prize in some medical event he took part in that meeting. Even Abhay went to his friends room like always which I'm very thankful to. That guy Abhay hardly stays in his room. I don't understand why he made such hungama for his unused room that day. Anyway I'm now all alone in this big home. Staying alone with Abhay scares me more than having a horror movies marathon. And trust me you will never find a girl who is such scared of ghosts as me.

It's a first time I'm being all alone in Ajay's home. It is kind of creepy and scary. Even though I stayed alone in my own house many times, it didn't scare me much. My home is a small cozy one with just three small bedrooms and not a big bungalow like Ajay. Well his grandma's.

First I thought of going to Ishani's home for night stay, but later I remembered that her parents have come to see her, and they are staying in her home for weekend. So I can't disturb them.

Not feeling hungry I didn't eat that night. After watching TV for sometime, my brain grasped the most important issue very lately.....how stupid I am not to use my state of being alone and not explore his room. I'm sure by hearing it sounds that I'm a stalker....but my brain reasoned with me that all is fair in love and war. I can't understand my brain at all. Whether it's being sarcastic or serious.

Anyway next minute I ran to Ajay's room and luckily it is not locked. I'm really a stupid for not getting this idea early. When I entered his room, I first met with Ajay's intoxicating smell. His room is of elegant black and white colour, arranged so neatly that there is not even a single crease on his bed spread or a dust speck in his room. He is a cleanliness freak....infact obsessed with it. While my room looks like some burglary had taken place, with all my clothes on bed, floor, bathroom chair....everywhere except in racks, along with unkept blankets.

I took a look all around his room once again, trying to memorize every detail in his room. It might be the only time I can enter here. I even noticed he has his own big TV in his room. That's the reason why I never saw him out of his room for watching TV. But then I never heard any TV sounds from his room, given my room is adjoining his. Hmm another thing about Ajay, he is more private person than I thought.

After taking a deep breath I moved towards his bed letting my hand touch the side of bed where he usually sleeps. He has weird habit of sleeping only on the right side of bed....irrespective of place. His mother said me about it in our small talks. It's not like I didn't before. I laid down on his bed, imagining how it would be to lie down along with Ajay in his own bed. Chastising myself for imagining things which never happens, I got up and moved towards his wardrobe.

Like I guessed three fourth of his wardrobe consists of black colour clothes. While exploring his wardrobe I found one big cardboard box at the bottom of it. It looked very heavy and untouched. After a lot of debate whether I should open it or not, I gave into my curiosity and opened it.

That box is full of Ajay and Kaira's love memories. It contains full of their photos and gifts, cards, movie tickets, and many love souvenirs. I can't help but notice Kaira....in each and every photo she is looking so beautiful and gorgeous even though she is short compared to Ajay.

And Ajay...he is looking so....happy, carefree, full of life with her. He is alive in those pictures.

And the way he is looking at Kaira in each photo, like she is only source of his life. Like without her, he is nothing. His eyes are twinkling with love....only for her. Every card showed her love for him. His love for her. It is real. Their love is so real....even I can see it. Feel it. Making my throat constrict in sudden emotion that overcame me.

Though it hurts to say it loud, I can never compete with her or with their love. She has a big place in Ajay's heart. I understood one thing that even if any girl marries Ajay she can never replace Kaira's place in his heart. Kaira is indeed lucky for owning 4 complete years of Ajay's life.

Wiping my freely flowing tears, I put everything back in the box and closed his bedroom door. While returning to my room I heard calling bell ringing.

Thinking who it will be, knocking our home at 10pm at night I peeped through key hole, wishing God better they not to be robbers or worse Abhay.

Unfortunately it is James brother, except....elder the brother, Ajay.

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