BTS x NARUTO
| you should probably read the book guide for bts in the naruto universe |
[WARNING: this story contains mentions of depression and suicide (and some smut l8er...actually a lot). READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!}
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After Sasuke left Konoha, things have not been the same for Koji. It was obvious he wasn't the same as he once used to be. He didn't smile as much anymore, he still tried to act happy with others. In the end, we all knew he wasn't.
Many people already asked him if he was okay. He would always say 'I'm fine,' or 'Don't worry about me,' with a smile. A fake smile, of course. It's not like anyone noticed. Or maybe they did, but didn't say anything.
Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. Sadness turned into depression, depression turned into a problem...
Koji tried so hard to find an escape. He was so alone. Before, when Sasuke was still here, he didn't think much of him. They were just good friends. Koji had a lot of other, good friends as well.
Good? Yes.
Real?
....
No.
He thought he could rely on them when he was alone and broken, but they only used him for their own entertainment. They didn't care about him. They only hung out with him 'cause he was fun. Now that he was all sad and pathetic they got bored with him and left.
Sasuke was always by his side. He didn't have to pretend to be happy all the time, he could just be himself and Sasuke would still stay and be there for him. Koji never knew how to cherish it, he though it would stay like that forever. And even if it didn't, he thought he had other friends who would support him and help him out in hard times.
Not only did he not have support from his friends, but his family as well. His mother never wanted him to be ninja, saying that it was dangerous and that he should just work in the flower shop like his relative, Ino.
His father approved even less. In fact, the only reason Koji managed to become a ninja was because he begged him mother, crying on his knees in front of her to try and reassure his father to enroll him in the Ninja Academy.
It worked, obviously. However, that still didn't mean either of them approved of it. They just wanted their son to be happy. And even though they told him they were okay with it countless times, Koji knew they weren't. In fact, he couldn't help but feel like he had disappointed them somehow.
All in all, Koji felt lonely. He was lonely. He didn't have anyone to make him feel better, safe. But he didn't let that bother him. He wasn't weak like other people who felt this way.
"If you're all alone, make some friends!" he told himself.
And he tried, Oh, he did. But the fact that nobody wanted him around wasn't helping him. People looked at him differently ever since Sasuke left. They were all whispering to each other, laughing evily at him behind his back. He heard it all. It's not like they tried to hide it.
They called him a 'faker', 'hungry for attention', 'loser', 'ugly', 'fat', ect.
Soon, it turned into another insecurity of his. He was afraid of people, of trusting others. He started to look at himself more. At his face, his body. Checking himself in the mirror and making sure if he really looked ugly like they say now and then became a habit.
He would spend hours looking at himself in the mirror, deciding whether or not he was good looking, making different facial expressions, rubbung his hands around his stomach to see how fat he was... After hearing so many bad things being said about him by so many people, he started to believe them.
'If all of them think that, it must be true.'
He laid in bed at night, thinking about why he was still alive, what to do to make life better, how it feels like to die. So many thoughts crossed him mind that he couldn't even get a decent amount of sleep.
After looking for an escape out of all this, he settled for pills. It was easy to take them, and when he did, he would feel much better. Cutting wasn't his thing, it was hard to bring harm to yourself if you're such a coward and are scared of getting hurt. Suicide wasn't an option either, he didn't want to die, knowing his parents would be even more disappointed in him if he did it.
However, he regretted it soon after. Reason being that one day, while making his way to the Ninja Academy, he collapsed due to overdose. That's when everyone found out about it. There were mixed feeligs, some stopped verbally abusing him, while others added the physical bullying to it.
The thing that hurt him the most was that Sakura ignored him all the time, she wouldn't even look at him. He started wondering how he could ever fall in love with someone like here. In his eyes, she turned from the most beautiful girl in the world, to an ugly, selfish witch. Often, he would question himself:
"Do I still love her?"
...
...
...
"I don't think so..."
He also wondered: 'Why me? How and why did this happen? And why does it all happen after Sasuke leaves? Did he really have such a big impact on my life? Should I have left Konoha as well?'
Thinking back on his words, he would rather betray this stupid village and become a criminal like Sasuke than stay here and be constantly bullied by those he used to call friends.
