Cherry Wine {lex luthor}

chapter thirty nine

It took two weeks and three hundred stitches to piece me back together again. I was unconscious for the first five days, while they washed my system of the drugs, and carefully, carefully made me whole. Even when I was awake, I knew I wasn't fully there. I kept descending into memories, good and bad. More than once I woke to to my mother's hand in mine, to my father telling me to just let go, that I had fought hard enough. I wanted to. I wanted to let go, but I could not let myself. I had been through so much. This was not going to be the end of me. I was going to fight tooth and nail to stay alive.

It was the first week of February before I was allowed to go home. Outside, the sky was blue and cloudless, but cold air bit at my cheeks. There was a car idling by the hospital entrance, and Lex helped me into the passenger seat, pressing a quick kiss to my temple before slamming the door. We hadnèt been alone together for weeks, not properly. I was afraid and ashamed of the scars that now crisscrossed my ribs-afraid he would see them and be so repulsed he would never be able to look at me again, and so I pushed him away, withdrew into myself.

The ride was quiet. Lex drove as recklessly as ever, weaving in and out of traffic. I sat, staring out the window with a huge hoodie pulled over my frail frame. The snowy fields seemed endless, marked only by little farmhouses and the glow of suburbs.

"How did you find me?" i eventually broke the silence. It was a question that had been weighing on me. I hadn't been wearing the tracker necklace, and the kidnappers hadn't left a note or any clues.

Lex reached over and took y hand, twisting the ring around my finger. Her tapped the glowing green stone that was set into the center.

"Your ring."

"You told me there was no tracking device inside it." I said, pulling my hand back and tucking it into the sleeve of my hoodie. There were still angry red scabs where the restraints has chafed my skin.

"There isn't. When I...when I realized you were gone, I remembered that Kryptonite gives out a very specific radiation signature. I had my lab run a trace for anywhere that wasn't registered as a legal holder."

"And you found the warehouse." I confirmed.

"And I found the warehouse, and called in every favour I had in law enforcement and the military to get you out." He said, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. "I thought I lost you, Ruth."

"You almost did." I said softly. "Again."

Lex sucked in his cheeks, and I was worried I had made him angry. Instead, he reached over to take my hand again, squeezing tightly. "I'll never leave you alone again." he promised, for what felt like the thousandth time. "I'm not going to risk losing you."

***
The mansion felt empty and stale. Lex hadn't been here in weeks, clearly, and neither had I. Everything was in it's place, polished and clean, but the soul had leached away.

Lex helped me limp up the stairs. Every breath felt like a hundred needles, and I wanted to sit down and give up, but I made myself keep going, until I collapsed face first onto the bed. I felt the mattress beside me dip as Lex sat down, and laid a warm hand on my back. I wanted to flinch away, worried he would feel the ridges of the scars through my hoodie. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I let out a small sob.

"Why are you crying?" Lex asked, rubbing my back. "Are you in pain?"

I sat up, wiping furiously at my eyes.

"No. I'm just tired." I said, trying to pull away. "And overwhelmed, I think. I don't know."

Lex shushed me, cupping my chin and wiping my tears with his thumbs. I should have felt comforted, safe, but all I wanted do was run, hide.

"You have every right to cry, love." he said. "Come on. Let's get you into bed." He stood, and opened a drawer, pulling out my pajama shorts and a new cotton sweatshirt. I took them gratefully. I wanted to be out of my clothes, the ones that smelled of disinfectant and hospital detergent. "Do you need help?"

I clutched my arms to my chest, shaking my head vehemently.

"Ruth." Lex took the clothes from my arms. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. "What's going on?"

I looked down, away.

"I don't want you to see my scars." I said, my voice small. "I don't want you to think I'm ugly now."

"Oh, Ruth." Lex sounded pained, but I didn't look up. Arms wrapped around me, as Lex drew me to him. Finally, I released the pent up fear and grief that had been weighing me down for weeks. I broke down. "You'll never be ugly to me." Lex murmured into my hair.

"You haven't seen them. You don't know that." I said, all but hysterical. "You don't know that!"

"Then let me see." Lex said. "I promise you, Ruth, they aren't ugly. I promise."

I shut my eyes and nodded. Better to get it over with now. Better not to draw it out any longer. I grasped the hem of my shirt, and tugged it up over my head, revealing the white bandages wrapped around me. One by one, I peeled them back. The stitches that remained stood out from my pale skin. I was mottled with bruises, the scars red gashes that marched from my hips to my sternum in pretty, uniform six-inch lines.

Lex stood, staring. A tear dripped from my face to the carpet, and I heard it land, so silent was the room. It was like my worst fears had been realized. I braced myself for what was about to happen.

A hand touched my face, and then the small of my back, and Lex hugged me, very, very gently.

"See?" I said into his chest, and I felt him laugh.

"You're being ridiculous, Ruth." Lex said. "You aren't ugly. Those aren't ugly. They'll heal, and even if they didn't, that wouldn't stop me from loving you. Look."

He stepped back. I sat on the bed, my knees shaky-and yelped as Lex drew up his own shirt. He laughed again, but all I could do was stare, Ridged, gnarly lines ran from his shoulder to his hip. It looked like some type of horrible vine twisting it's way across his body.

"Oh my god." I covered my mouth, fresh tears filling my eyes. "Oh my god, Lex, how?"

Lex dropped his shirt back down, and sat next to me.

"I was seven. I left one of my toys on the stairs, and my father stepped on it. It broke under his foot-it was a metal train, and it was sharp. He was angry."

I thought back to all the times I had flinched from Lex's hand, the anger and hurt that had flashed across his face, and my stomach sank.

"I'm so sorry." I said. Lex shrugged, picking up my pajamas again.

"It's alright, love. It's been decades." He handed them to me. "Get changed, and I'll patch you back up."

I smiled, and took them.

We were the same, him and I, really. Orphaned, broken inside. Two lost souls. Whatever Lex said about not believing in fate, I truly believed that we were made for each other. Every single moment of my life had lead to us meeting. We were forged in stars, millions of years ago-and now our atoms had found their way back to each other.

We were meant to be.

A/N: this was a hard one to write. i had to start again several times and even now I'm not sure i captured it the way I wanted to.
i have so much respect for ruth now; i got stabbed in the leggy this weekend (less stabbed than fell on a pair of scissors but u know) and ended up with stitches so ruth....u go girl
also-we are barrelling towards the end of this book :( i set out to write only until the canonical end of BvS, but the story didn't feel finished to me then. i anticipate probably finishing at part 60-70 (chapter 57-67)
and then i have a whole new book in planning so this won't be the end of this little universe!