The Princess Bride

Chapter 16

"Are you alright?" Alex asked, pulling me aside after breakfast and looking concerned. "You hardly ate anything."

"I'm fine," I said bitterly. "Apparently, I'm the same as always."

Alex and I had woken up this morning to discover the evidence that another month had passed without me getting pregnant. Embarrassing as it was having Alex find out along with me, at least I didn't have to tell him this time.

"Don't do this," he said. "Please? It's not your fault."

"I know." I glanced away. "I'm just disappointed."

"I am too." He pulled me into his arms. "But it'll happen."

I leaned into his hold and fought the urge to ask how he was sure since I knew he wasn't sure at all. He was just trying to make me feel better.

After a long moment, he pulled away. "Promise you'll eat later. I don't want you making yourself sick over something that can't be helped."

"I will," I said. "I just didn't feel well this morning."

He gave me a sad smile before kissing my cheek and leaving for his many duties for the day.

With a sigh, I turned to follow the queen to fulfill my duties.

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After hearing the people's concerns for several hours, the queen and I sat in her personal parlor, working on needlepoint.

Originally, Isabelle and Juliette had pulled me along as a way of helping me feel more comfortable near their mother, but by this time it was basically routine after our sessions with the people. I didn't much care for the activity, but I made the effort anyway because the queen liked it. It was necessary for me to feel more at ease around her and it was actually happening. Usually I didn't even have to say very much.

"You seem to be deep in thought this afternoon," the queen observed.

A little startled, I looked at her before glancing down at my lap to notice that I'd only done about five stitches in the hour since we'd arrived.

"I suppose I am," I admitted with a small smile.

She only watched me serenely, allowing me to elaborate or not. I was learning that the queen was much more approachable than I used to think. She didn't demand information or attention, choosing instead to allow people to come to her on their own. If they did, she would patiently speak with them. It was such a contrast to the way she appeared to be - reserved, aloof, almost haughty. I couldn't help wondering if that was how she had always carried herself or if she had grown into it due to the way everyone, including her husband treated her. It was obvious that the king cared for her, but he also felt the way everyone else did - that she was just a woman and therefore not very smart or deserving of much consideration in a lot of ways.

"Your High-" At her raised eyebrow, I stopped myself.

"Vivienne," I corrected and she half smiled. She insisted that I use her name, but it was so hard to stop seeing her as the queen.

"How do you just seem to know what to do?" I asked. I'd been awed yet again by her competence and efficiency while mediating the people's disputes. I never seemed to know what to think about half of them, but she made it look easy.

She put down her work to give me her full attention and then surprised me by saying, "I don't."

Smiling at my expression, she said, "I simply do my best, which is all anyone can ask."

That was true, but it was still shocking to hear her admit that she had doubts sometimes. She always seemed so confident.

"Some cases are easier," she said. "It's a simple matter of setting an obvious wrong to right or there may be several witnesses attesting to one party. For the rest, I have to decide who I believe."

"How do you decide?" Everyone she met with at these hearings was a virtual stranger.

"After a while, you pick up on certain things that indicate if a person is telling the truth or not. It's not always so obvious of course, but they come to me for judgement, and have to accept my decision, whether or not they believe it to be fair. But as I said, I do my best and I like to believe that the people know that."

I nodded, wondering how I would ever be able to handle such responsibility. Thankfully, it wouldn't be for a long time since the queen wasn't very old, but I would have to pay closer attention from now on to see if I could detect those signs. I'd need that skill when the time came where I would be the one making those impossible decisions.

If I ever got the chance, I thought dismally.

As much as I tried not to worry, the way I promised Mother, I couldn't help it. Seven months was a long time to try for a baby without success. I could just imagine the sorts of things those men would be saying to Alex by now - the sorts of things they would be suggesting needed to be done soon if nothing changed. And if they'd been able to pressure the king before, it was likely that they'd be able to pressure him about more vital things like ensuring an heir. One way or another.

"Is there something else on your mind?" the queen interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh, I just..." I glanced away, seeing her concerned expression. One of the worst things about this was that every single person knew what the problem was. I couldn't decide which reaction was worse, the irritation and added pressure or the pity.

"I know."

Surprised, I looked back at the queen, realizing that she really did know. She was the only other person in the entire kingdom who actually understood what I was going through.

She smiled sadly. "It really isn't fair," she said. "To have to start out your new life so full of worry."

I noticed that she didn't tell me not to worry. Understanding as she did, I'm sure she knew that was impossible.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" I said.

At her nod, I said, "how long... I mean, when did you find out about Alex?"

"Too long," she said, looking harrassed. "It was ten months before I could say for sure."

Well, that was something. Maybe it really was common to have to wait. Despite hearing that from Mother and several other women, I'd begun to feel like it was just me. No doubt all the pressure to produce a baby exactly nine months after the wedding was making me feel like it was the norm and I just didn't fit.

At the very least, the king should understand that it might take some time. I felt myself relax a little at the thought.

"And then Alexander arrived right when he was supposed to. I never would have believed it then, but I'm glad it happened when it did. At any other time, it wouldn't have been him."

That had never occured to me.

"An heir will come." She sounded so confident. "You have to be patient, but it will come. And it will be worth it."

I smiled and, amazingly, started to feel a little better. How had I never thought to ask her about this before? The queen was right. If our baby was half as amazing as Alex, he would be well worth the wait.

I just wished everyone understood that.