roses//g.d

28

scarlett:
(saturday)

i woke up to the sound of music playing, and money being thrown at me.

i rubbed my eyes and sat up, a headache already starting.

i looked at kathryn to see her throwing money on me, and jumping around to music.

"what's all of this?" i asked, picking up a $10 bill.

"it's your dare money." she smiled.

i felt my heart sink, and immediately thought of last night.

"what's wrong? you're looking a little pale." she laughed as she picked up some money off my bed, and threw it in the air.

feeling a major headache starting, i lied back down and put a pillow over my face.

"come onnn you should be happy! you fucked jack gilinsky!"

okay so obviously she doesn't know what actually happened.

"how would you even know that?" i asked, having it sound muffled through the pillow.

she grabbed the pillow off my face and started explaining.

"okay, so last night jack walked out of your room all happy and stuff, so i knew something happened. i asked casually and was like 'why are you so happy?' and he was like 'because.' and i was like 'did you and scarlett fuck or something?' as a joke and he just smirked at me. i asked again and was like 'did you?' and he said yes!" kathryn explained excitedly.

"he was happy?" i asked.

how could someone be happy knowing they raped someone?

"yeah, you must be really good in bed or something." she laughed.

"yeah. well, can you please leave? im gonna take a shower." i lied.

"yeah, i'll be in the living room when you get out."

"okay, thanks."

kathryn left my room, and i waited till i heard the sound of her walking down my stairs to start crying.

i got off my bed and went into my bathroom, looking in the mirror. i examined my face where jack hit me, a tint of purple spread across my swollen cheek. i took off my shirt, and saw all the hickeys jack left on me.

i traced over some along my ab line, silently crying to myself.

"i hate you." i said aloud.

i said this to jack, and myself.

how could i of been so stupid to let something like this happen? why didn't i have my guard up?

i stared at myself in the mirror, growing uglier and appearing weaker the longer i looked. i hate looking like this, feeling like this. i look tired, and feel extremely weak.

"i hate you!" i said again, louder this time.

out of impulse, i opened my cabinet, and started digging through it. i dug around until i found a razor, and pulled it out. i held the razor up and held out my arm, i pressed the razor into my skin and dragged it across my wrist.

i did that 3 or 4 more times, finding new spots than from the first time i did it. when i was done, i rinsed the razor off and put it back in my cabinet, hiding it behind other stuff.

"you're okay now." i cried to myself.

*
emotional chapter im sorry :(( all part of the story though