𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙾𝚇 | 𝙿.𝙹𝙼 ✓

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘

You

"____...would you like to share anything today?" Counselor Kim asked, gaining my attention. Until then I'd just been staring at the ground in deep thought, but of nothing specific. My mind just seemed to wander at random these days. I guess being stuck in a mental institution will do that to you. They say I suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. But I don't agree. They're wrong; they just don't understand.

To answer the man who would try to get me to speak day after day, I just shook my head. He sighed, most likely out of frustration but at this point, I don't care. For one, the medications they give me here make me drowsy or moody. But they'd rather that than erratic and inconsolable. It's only been three months but I've already noticed at least this much. When I first got here, all i'd do was throw tantrums. Because I wanted to be with him. I needed to be with him. I still do.

Moving on to the next person that sat to the right of me in our circle, he asked her to speak. "Sana, please share whatever you're comfortable with."

"Sure. I'd like to tell my story in a new light. I've had some time to reflect and I think I finally have an understanding of what was done to me... I was with my captor for almost six months." She started. "At first, I thought he was really nice. He would buy me things and give me sweet things to eat. He would even let me out of my room sometimes if he felt like I had really earned it."

I look up at the timid girl speaking beside me. She was playing with the ends of her sleeves and her right leg was bouncing frantically. She reminded me so much of myself that I may as well have been looking into a mirror.

"After awhile- I can't say how long since I had no sense of time- he had me do house chores. He told me that while he was gone, I should keep myself busy so I didn't go insane." She chuckled softly. "That's so funny, right? I mean, look at where I am now..."

I moved my gaze back to the ground as her story began to trigger my emotions. It was almost similar to my experience, mostly in the psychological sense. Jimin was great at first. But then he started to switch up to being mean at the most random times. He was terrifying when that happened. But after awhile I couldn't tell the two apart anymore.

"Every time I did something right, he would praise me and make me feel special. But then whenever just one thing was wrong or out of place, I wasn't safe. I was punished. Basically all it was, was a game. I thought it was love because of the good parts and that blinded me. But he wasn't in love with me, he just loved to hurt me. He wanted to have power over something so he made that something me." She continued.

I began to feel tears well up in my eyes because of everything she was saying. It's not that I agreed or related to this newfound realization, since she was obviously so much farther in the "recovery process" than I was. It wasn't that I woke up at all. I felt like she was attacking me. She was attacking Jimin. She was attacking our relationship.

My fingernails dug into the wooden seat under me as I held onto the sides. I tried to keep it together but I felt more threatened each second and I had no idea why. Maybe it was projection, a refusal to see the truth. All I knew was, I didn't want to hear anymore.

"I was just a punching bag and a sex slave but because he said those three words 'I love you', I ignored the truth and gave in." She went on.

"What happened after that, Sana?" Counselor Kim prompted in a comforting tone, all the while my insanity was building.

"After a little while of that, maybe three months, that's when it happened. He raped me. All because I had the nerve to talk back... said it was my fault." She paused, her breath hitching a bit. "I-...It was the first time I saw him for what he truly was... a demon that only looked like an angel."