We Are Broken • Geetrick

16

I'm conflicted.

Gerard says he loves me. Says it's okay and says I really do matter but that's not what he thought three months ago. That's not how he treated me when he first found me, what's changed? Why is he any different?

The moment I'm allowed out of bed, I leave and head downstairs to find Pete. I need to talk to him about Gerard and trying to figure out my emotions. More importantly to ask him about Frank and if he's heard anything from him. I really don't want to see him again.

As soon as I'm downstairs, I spot him taking a water break and looking across the living room silently, eyes flickering and eventually landing on me.

I blush, lowering my eyes and pulling the blanket closer around the lace on my body. It was my choice to wear the lingerie today. It's comfy to me, I feel freer in it.

"Hey, kid, what's up?" Pete asks, coming forward and hugging me close.

"Conflicted," I say quietly, avoiding calling him sir. I'm free. I don't have to call him that anymore.

Pete pulls back, frowning, "What's wrong?"

I bite my lip, looking away at the roses on the table, "Gerard and I. It's complicated. I don't know if I love him or if he loves me. He didn't used to love me. He just... I don't know if he really loves me. He used to beat me and then it changed and I don't know why it changed. What if he's just saying it to gain my trust? And I feel like he doesn't really deserve me. I-I'm a slave. Free in the house or not. I'm worthless and I should be hurt again. I deserve what Frank did to me and I really need someone to just hurt me. What if Frank comes back? And... and he kills me."

Pete pulls me a little closer, making sure nobody can hear us before he finally says something, "Frank isn't coming back, okay? He ran away and he's gonna go and become a slave. As for your self-harm stuff, I can't help you anymore. I can talk to Gerard but I can't help you. And... look, I know Gerard really does care for you. His mind has changed. He isn't the kind of guy to just try to gain people's trust. Even before he had you as a slave, he was a really nice guy. He treated all off the maids well. The only time he didn't was when work was bad, and that's why he got you. So he'd be less pissed with the maids," Pete smiles, "It wasn't your fault at all, he isn't trying to hurt you, he isn't trying to gain your trust. He really, truly loves you."

I swallow, "How do I know if I love him back?"

Pete watches me for a moment then finally just sighs and presses his lips to my forehead, "If you want to kiss him even after everything he's done. If you want to help him even after he's hurt you. If you like everything about him, flaws included, then you're probably in love."

I blink and look back up at him, "I... I want to kiss him but I'm scared, a-and I want to be there with him.... I trust him... and I don't... see any flaws besides... y'know... work..."

"You're probably in love, then," Pete smiles.

He hugs me again, "But you shouldn't rush these things. You're still healing. It takes time."

I smile and sigh, "Thank you."

"Mhmm," Pete chuckles, "good luck, man."