Spring Day *On Hold*

Four

My feet rocked back and forth on the wooden floor boards beneath me.

I had taken your notebook home with me, unwilling to part with it.

Thanks to the sprawling writing I had finally learn your name.

A part of me wondered if you had gone back to search for it only to find it was long gone.

My intentions weren't to invade your privacy anymore than I already had.

I simply wanted to return it to you during class tomorrow.

However I couldn't help my curiosity once again. My gaze often fixated on the small book, the blue cover screaming my name.

I knew it was wrong to read it.

I knew I should have let it be.

But you knew better than anyone else, how little I had known of boundaries.

I reached over to my desk, holding the smooth book between my hands.

I opened it to find your handwriting scrawled across the paper in ribbons of fine blue ink.

I should have closed it and not gone any farther.

I couldn't help myself.

I let my eyes wander over the words that filled the page, reading every small letter carefully.

'How can everything be so painful all of the time?
How come no matter how hard I try, nothing ever amounts to being even remotely close to good enough?
How come I'm never good enough?
How come I had to be born with a face like mine?
A face so round and so fat.
How come every time I eat, this stupid face of mine only bloats?
How come I can never get the dances right no matter how long I practice? How come I always show up to dance unprepared and end up embarrassing myself?
How come I can't be as good at it as everyone else in the class?
I'm so tired.
So tired of always feeling like this.
Like nothing.
Like I'm as insignificant as the dead autumn leaves that litter the ground.
I am nothing.
I can never be anything more...'

I hadn't realized how much pain you were really in.

You were so good at hiding the truth.

That should have been the first sign.

That should have raised alarms.

But of course.

I didn't see it until it was too late.

I never told you about my breech of privacy that day.

I could never bring myself to tell you.

Some secrets, I had decided, were better left hidden and unspoken.

It hurt people less.

It would hurt you less.

A/N:

Hey guys, it turns out that I had some time to update today after all so here's an extra chapter for this week, the next one will still be posted Sunday!

Don't forget to comment and vote!

Thanks!

~Kookachue