Honey Voice.

▪ Chapter Ten ▪

dear insecurity,

​when you gonna take your hands off me?

​when you ever gonna let me be

​proud of who I am?

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Bas was panicking, like really panicking.

He had been running around the appartment making sure he looked perfect, because then he would have one less thing to worry about. He had trashed his closet while searching for something to wear, everything now covering their bedroom floor. The bathroom was a mess too, his make-up and creams all over the sink and all of the cupboards opened. He had had to pee at least six times in the past hour, and he had eaten four muffins after dinner, just because he could. Copter was running behind him, trying to clean some of the mess that Bas was making, yet it was clearly imposible and it would probably take them at least two hours to turn everything back to normal.

But Bas could worry about that later, because right now all he could think about was what the hell was he doing.

Why had he even agreed to go? He was surely not going to have a good time, he would probably just stand on the side, alone because everyone else would be having fun, and in fear of someone coming to talk to him. He should have said no, he should have thought about it more thoughroughly. But it had been hard to do that when all he could see was P'Kim's  awaiting face, full of reassurance and tranquility, and when his heart had been beating so loudly it had barely given him an opportunity to think, and when he had had Cop's voice in the back of his head reminding him to 'live'. And Bas had said that he was going to try to live more, to go out, to talk to people. He thought that he was better than before; he had made friends and had gone out with them a lot; he had even managed to go out without Copter there, which was huge for him since Copter had always been his anchor. He was always there as a reassurance that nothing would happen to Bas whenever he was around, because he would make sure to protect him at all costs.

But going clubbing was a bit too much, it was a very big step and Bas didn't think that he was ready for it. And his body probably didn't think this either, since everything in him was swirling around and jumping and going nuts.

He was now sitting in the kitchen table, eating his fifth muffin. Or more like stuffing his face in it. It was 11:46 p.m and he was already changed and his hair and make-up were done. He had checked his outfit a dozen times, yet he couldn't find anything else to alter. He had gone for a safe choice; black jeans, white t-shirt and a leather jacket. That was appropiate for clubbing, but nothing of it was too striking as not to draw too much attention. He rapidly chew while blanklessly staring at the wall. He had gotten to the point where he had freaked out so much that he was now a useless mute entity, almost paralized, and responding automatically.

"Bas, baby" he felt Cop's hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you want to go? I mean, the guys won't get mad if you don't. You can just stay here and watch TV. and I'll come back very soon". He told him with a soft voice.

"No, I'm good" Bas answered as calm as he could manage.

He didn't want Cop to worry about him right now, he should have a good time tonight with their friends and not be concerned about Bas all the time.

"No, you are not" Bas could hear a frown on his voice. Cop then went around him and stood on hid side. He smoothly grabbed Bas' face in between his warm fingers and made him look at him. "Bas, you don't have to lie to me. We've been friends since forever. Do you really think that I don't know you?".