Honey Voice.

▪ Chapter Eighteen ▪

trust the overthinker
who tells you they love you

they have, most assuredly,
thought of every reason not to

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"I know that. I love you too, Coppie, but you also know that" Bas told him, quietly, watching how Cop's tears were drying against his skin. His eyes were not leaving Bas', and they seemed to be looking right into his soul. And Bas felt naked, and exposed. But that never mattered when he was around him, because Cop was his shield, and he was protecting him from the world.

"No, Bas" He said, his voice strong, and clear, not wanting to be misunderstood. "I love you. I love you so much it's almost unbearable sometimes. I'm always thinking about you, and about what you are doing, and about what we are going to do when you come home. And I cannot wait for that moment to arrive. I love you, baby. I love you with everything I have. I don't think that I've ever loved someone as much as I love you". He waited for a few seconds, examining Bas' reaction. But Bas was paralized, just staring back. And he didn't think that his eyes were showing any kind of emotion, because he didn't even know how he was feeling. He was just confused. He then felt Cop's hands that were on his face moving a bit further, going behind the back of his head, his fingers in between Bas' hairs. And Bas could feel the pressure of them against his scalp in every single place where they were touching him. And it burned. So he closed his eyes, enjoying his touch and taking the chance to block his stare since it was piercing right through him. "When you told me you liked P'Kim, I felt weird.  I hadn't thought about this before, I had always seen you as my best friend. But then he came, and you started hanging out, and going out more, and leaving me here alone" Bas could hear him taking deep breaths in between sentences, his voice becoming weaker every second, and his heart was bumping so hard he could barely handle it. And even though he could not see him, Bas could still feel him everywhere, he could still smell him, and hear him, and touch him. And Cop was surrounding him completely. "And it hurt so much, baby". His sweet voice broke at the last moment, and Bas' heart broke along with it. Bas squeezed his eyes harder, wanting to block the world. But he couldn't, because this time Cop was not his safe spot anymore. He was the danger zone, and Bas felt the need to run, to run and escape from his attacks, because he could feel him everywhere and it was all too much. And he didn't even know what he was thinking, because Cop's mere presence was not letting him think about anything else but his hands on his head and his voice in his ears. And Bas was becoming a bit dizzy. "And I realised that it hurt because I love you. And I want to be with you, not just as my friend. We were always together before, and now we are not, and it feels so lonely".

"Cop, stop. Please stop" Bas whispered, his lids crunching up impossibly harder, his hands on Cop's neck trembling, and his heart almost unbearable. Because now he still felt exposed, and naked, and vulnerable, but Cop didn't feel like his shield anymore, he felt like the spade. And he was pointing at him, targeting him, and Bas felt under attack.

"Why do you want me to stop, baby? Please, I need us to talk about this" He said in a hush, and Bas felt Cop's forehead laying on his, and that was a new spot that was burning. And Bas couldn't breathe properly, his chest going up and down, and his heart was hammering so loud, surprassing every other sound in the room. And he still felt as if he was alone with him, in their own world, but now he didn't feel as if he could leave at any moment, he just felt trapped. "I know it's hard for you to talk about these things. But please, just do it for me" He continued, his voice weakening even more, his fingers clutching Bas' head, Cop's breath on his face. "Please".

"Because I cannot breathe, Coppie". Bas let out in between gasps. And everything was becoming dizzy again, and he didn't like it, he didn't want to be here. He just wanted to leave.