Honey Voice.

▪ Chapter Eleven ▪

dear insecurity,
i hate the way you make me feel
i hate the things you make me think
​you make me sick to my stomach
​i wish that i wasn’t me

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"Bas! Bas, wait, please!" He could listen to P'Kim's frantic voice calling him from behind.

Bas was clumsily running towards the club's entrance. He stopped hearing to P's desperate shouts when he got inside, the loud music blocking every other sound. His heart was racing along with him, and his head was clouded to the point he could barely see where he was going. He managed to find his way around, while bumping into a few people and nearly tripping over his own feet twice. He was short of breath, panting and sweating, the heat and the noises and the people around him suffocating him, and couldn't do anything but endure the pain that this was causing him.

He was able to find the main door and he pushed it hard and fast, with a strength he didn't even think that he had, desperate to get out of there. The cold air that had previously calmed him was now making it worse, because he couldn't breathe properly, and the icy ambience was just aggravating it. He had lost P' among the croud, but he still needed to flee as fast as possible. His eyes couldn't focus, his blurry vision impeding him from walking in a straight line. He had to get out of there.

"Hey, kid! You alright?" He faintly heard someone say besides him, yet he couldn't do anything right now. He was barely aware of where he was and where he was going.

"G – got –got to... go home" He managed to vomit in between breaths, supporting his hands on his knees.

"There are some cabs there. Here, let me walk you to one" the stranger said, sounding concerned.

The stranger took him to one and opened the door for him, and he hastily got inside. He just wanted to go home.

"Thanks".

"No problem, get home safe, please" He told Bas and closed the cab's door.

Bas told the cab's driver his address and he started the engine. When he looked outside, he was able to spot P'Kim coming out of the place, worriedly looking all over for him. Bas was sorry, but he could barely hold himself still at the moment, he had to go. He needed a safe place.

And so the car took off, leaving a conflicted P' standing on the pavement.

He got home safely and immediately went up to their appartment, closing the door as quickly as possible. His heart had not stopped bumping his chest, not even for a second, but he was now able to see. He had had a little time to think during the ride and he was majorly regretting everything, an unbearable feeling of guilt meddling between his organs.

Why had he done this? Why couldn't he be like the rest of the people there? He couldn't even enjoy himself for just one night.

He went to the kitchen to drink some water, since hid mouth was drier than sand, his heart jumping faster than his steps, his mind circling through everything that had happened, over and over. And he could see the gang's faces watching him, judging him for not fitting in. And he could see Cop's worried face because he was not normal enough. And he could see P's dissapointment and regret for wanting a disastrous mess like himself. And every thought was coming and going away so fast, not leaving him time to think, it was as if they were just taunting him, laughing at him for being this useless.

His phone started ringing all of a sudden, the noise partially distracting him from his misery. It was P' calling. He looked at it, considering if he should take it, but deciding against it. He was upset and ashamed and P' didn't deserve to be worrying about someone like him. But the phone didn't stop. It kept ringing and ringing and in between the calls, numerous texts were coming in. All of them from P'. But his heart was hammering, and his anxiety was going up once more just by thinking about P'.