Accept// carl gallagher ff [COMPLETED]

17 - come back when you can

C A R L

Everyday for the past two weeks, I seen Carter and Clay grow closer and closer, and the closer they got the more insane I became.

"Carl, hello?" Kade snapped his fingers in front of my face, making me shake my head. Lately Kade has been a pain in my ass. He has constantly been clinging onto me, and constantly being too loved up with me. It's grossing me out. It's like all my feelings for him vanished.

Yes, I did like Kade, well once. But now, every time I look at him, I see missed opportunities. Missed opportunities for me and Clay, not me and Kade.

"Fuck off Kade," I muttered, my eyes focusing back on Clay and Carter, who were surrounded by Carter's friends. They seemed to be laughing and having a great time.

"That's no way to speak to your boyfriend," Stacey said horrified as she and Bella sat in front of us. I just huffed rolling my eyes, continuing to stare at one of my greatest mistakes.

Lunch passed, eventually. It felt like forever and a day, my eyes were always glued on Clay, the way his dirty blonde hair swooped across his forehead, the way he laughing, the way his smile lit up the whole room. But I knew that I lost him forever.

"Maybe if you tried talking to him?" Ian said as he sat down on his bed. I just shook my head, falling back onto my unmade bed and staring at the ceiling.

"I fucked up Ian, and I can't fix it this time." I whispered softly and Ian hummed.

"Just explain it to Clay-"

"Any time I try to talk to him, we end up arguing. I don't blame him for it because it must of hurt like a bitch when I did that, I just fucking blame myself for it all. And it's been too long to apologise to him." I covered my face with my hands, rubbing it.

"It's never too late to speak the truth Carl." Ian spoke as he stood up.

"It's too late when he has a boyfriend." I stubbornly said as Ian sighed.

"Then I can't do anything Carl. You're smart enough to figure it out." He patted the end of my bed before leaving the room.

How in the name of hell am I going to get Clay back? I mean, every time I try to talk to him, I freeze. And when we do talk, I'm terrified that it'll end up in an unstop argument.

"Why can't life be simpler?"

-

C L A Y

"I appreciate your help Carter, but I can't fake being in a relationship with you anymore," I muttered playing with the palms of my hands, on the park bench.

"I see," Carter said with a sigh. "It was fun while it lasted, but if you ever need help, I'm here. Well, not exactly here because we're on a park bench, but I'll always be there for you," I felt Carter's hand pat my shoulder before I heard the footsteps walk off.

I took a deep breath in and then out. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh yes, I can't pretend to be in a relationship with him because I still love Carl. No matter what, I don't even want to pretend I'm with someone who I don't like.

There's certain things in life people can deal with. Whether it's someone constantly being annoying, or clingy, or mad. But for me, the only certain thing in my life was that I loved getting hurt by someone I love.

It doesn't matter how hard I try and forget about it, it's always there. The feeling of being hurt, but it's been so long that I've just lived with it. Yes it still hurts, but it's apart of my life. I just have to wait for my time to come again.

Walking down the street to my house, I stuck my hands in my pockets, my black hood was up and I was staring straight ahead of me.

No weight on my shoulders, no horrible pain in my gut, but just a constant pain in my heart.

Standing in front of my old house that I shared with Grant, August and their parents, just staring at it, it didn't feel like home. The house I grew up in, didn't feel like home.

I walked down to my current house. The house I shared with my real parents. It also didn't feel like home. Just looking at it, and living in it, just didn't feel like home.

Lastly, I stood in front of the Gallagher household, and seen Carl sitting out on the porch with Fiona and Lip, looking at him, I felt like I was at home.

I knew that he had hurt me in the most unimaginable way possible, but he was my home. And he has been my home for a long time, I just never realised it.

So for the first time in my life, I decided to do something terrifying to me. I walked up to the gate. The three looked at me, as Carl stood up. Fiona smiled at me and Lip tapped her shoulder nodding to the door. The two left me and Carl, just looking at one another.

"Hey." I said as Carl walked slowly towards me.

"Hi," he said stunned by my appearance at his house.

"Why are you doing here?" He asked. I chuckled and scratched the back of my head. I just shrugged.

"Honestly, I have no idea." I told him truthfully, he just nodded at me.

"Is there something I can help you with?" yes, give me my home back.

"Whatever happened to us?" I asked him instead. He just looked at me as he opened the gate and walked to his porch. I figured it's gonna be a long conversation so I sat beside him with my hands in my pockets and my hood was now down.

"I don't know what happened to us Clay, but I know what I did was wrong. It was fucked up on so much levels-"

"Yeah it sure was." I interrupted and Carl looked at me. I looked back at him.

"And I know I hurt you, but my life has been hell without you-"

"It doesn't seem like it has been Carl." I told him looking at my shoes.

"You have a functional family, a boyfriend who you like, friends, I have none of that. Like quite frankly, I barely have control of myself these days. I think your life hasn't been hell. You've been kicking yourself for getting caught cheating." I spit out. I didn't mean to but I did mean it.

"Ouch. That hurt," Carl muttered before looking at his shoes too.

"I'm sorry Clay. That's all I can say." Carl told me and I nodded my head.

"You did nothing at all to make me love you less." I told him. His head snapped up and looked at me. I weakly smiled and looked at him.

"Yes, you did cheat. Yes, you did hurt me, but that didn't make me love you any less than I did before hand. I know I sound stupid, but I still love you Carl, and I'm seriously hurt that you didn't even try and be friends with me after you were the one who ruined our relationship," I told him as I stood up.

"Just come back when you can, okay?" I weakly smiled as tears prickled in my eyes while I walked to the gate. I left Carl sitting there, feeling no remorse and feeling happy at what I said.

Now all I have to do it wait for my life to fall back together.

-

HELLO PERSONS! I WANTED TO UPDATE THIS BECAUSE THIS THE ONLY FF I KNOW WHAT IM ACTUALLY DOING! SO I HOPE YALL ENJOY!

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