The Idiot

Sunday, January 8, 2023

When I woke up, Anna was holding me and petting my hair. "Shhh... shh..." was the only thing that I could hear over my thick tears and loud sobs. I have thought of that moment many times in the last couple of weeks.

I hoped that her death had been some sick joke for a Christmas present, but it wasn't a joke. It was the cold, harsh truth.

Sitting there crying into Anna's shoulder, I don't know how long it took for me to calm down. Once I did, Anna hesitated but eventually went back to bed, but I wasn't. I couldn't. I sat on my bed wide away for hours.

The night felt like forever but blurred together. I ended up watching hockey videos on my phone to kill time and to keep my mind off of things.

This wasn't the first night that I had nightmares about that day, but it was the first time that I screamed. No one, other than Anna now, knows how bad I actually am taking my mom's death. During the funeral and wake, I was strong for my brothers, and they were strong for me. Moving to Chicago, I don't want to show Patrick any weakness.

I tried to hide everything for two weeks, and now it's exploding.

When I emerged from my room in the morning, Anna was still in her room with the door shut. She's probably still sleeping, so I just made my way into the living room and started to half watch a random show on the T.V.

"Morning," Anna said making me jump. I didn't expect her to be there.

Taking a deep breath, I answered with my own, "morning."

She didn't say anything after that. She just walked into the kitchen and started to cook something.

Other than the television, the apartment was quiet. Neither of us knew what to say and if we were supposed to bring up what happened in the middle of the night.

Before I knew it, she called me for breakfast. We ate in silence, picked up the table in silence, and loaded the dishwasher in silence. After that, I grabbed my book bag from the spare room and started to do my homework on the bar in silence.

Anna sat next to me and helped me work on my geography worksheet that was late.

Weirdly, it almost felt like that we didn't really need to talk to each other. We mutually understood that neither of us wanted to talk about last night. It was so nice to have somebody to understand that. Most people would want to talk about it, and that makes me annoyed and less willing to talk.

"So, Winter," Anna finally said as I put my book and folder back into my bookbag and grabbed my Home Economics things. "What's your least favorite class?"

I couldn't help but let a loud laugh at that. "Almost everything." I lifted up my folder so she could see the name on the front. "I don't know how to cook. Geography is... I don't know... complex. I don't know how to swim. I hate English vocab..."

Anna stopped me. "You don't know how to swim?"

"No, I was a sheltered child. William and Wyatt does, but I could never learn it." She looked at me weirdly, and I knew what she was thinking. "Growing up, I could do nothing. After school, I had to go straight home and stay there as my brothers got to hang out with friends and play hockey."

"What! You couldn't do anything?"

I simply shook my head. I couldn't do anything or even have friends. I, however, still wish that I was living like that than here. Anything can be better than my situation.

"But, how were you able to play hockey?"

"I didn't start until last year. When the three of us got into middle school, the two boys got into a little league traveling team. My mom couldn't afford it, but there was a donor who was happy to pay whatever they needed for hockey. I traveled with them, while Mom stayed back to work. That was when I got to play the first time. As the boys practiced, I got to learn how to skate by the family that was bringing the three of us around. After that summer, I wanted to ask Mom to let me play, but I was too scared that she wouldn't let me go the next summer so I didn't. The same thing happened the following, but after that, I told Mom that I was playing. The families that donate for the boys said they will pay for me too."

She smiled at that, "I bet your mother wasn't too happy about that one."

I smiled as well, "Yup, but she usually was with me. Apparently, I'm a rebel. She banned Blackhawks games from being played in the house, but I watched them. Don't worry, I cheered when they lost."

"I don't doubt it. Why don't we say that we close this book, and I'll teach you how to cook."

Quickly, I closed the book and followed her into the kitchen. She started to grab multiple ingredients and bowls, utensils, and pans as I leaned against the counter and watched. "Are these going to be eggless?"

"Oh honey, these are free of almost everything." She looked at a picture on her phone before she said. "I'll preheat the oven, can you put three cups of oat flour in the largest bowl." With that, the two of us started to work quickly but delicately in the kitchen. It took a while, but once the cookies were done, I was impressed. I probably couldn't repeat this by myself ever.

I quickly stole a cooling cookie right before Anna said, "I think we did an amazing job," as she shoved the rest of her half-eaten cookie into her mouth.

I didn't know what to expect. The only other time I ever had a cookie was when I was six, and I had an allergic reaction because of that. This cookie, however, was delicious and safe for me.

The rest of the day, we ate cookies until they were gone in the living room while we watched hockey and I did my homework. It was a nice and relaxful day after a stressful night. I just don't want to go back to school tomorrow just because of two idiots.    
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Staci