stardust | ✔

xxxiv.

'Q U E N C H E D'

blood, blood, blood,
more and more and more,
drips down my wrists,
sinks into my pores.

blood, blood, blood,
feed the angry demon from within,
quench the monsters thirst,
rip open it's skin.

blood, blood, blood,
hungry for the taste,
of salvation, disgrace, freedom,
on the tip of it's tongue--

roar for hunger,
whine for more,
you don't want it angry,
you don't want it bored.

needs an in between,
satisfaction,
blood is dripping,
the seams are ripping,
dirty blood, skin that's clean.

it likes it pure.
it likes it bad.
it likes it squirming,
it drives it mad.

but i don't want to hurt,
those around me.
i don't want to rip,
the bonds that have set this free.

so

if

it

wants

blood---

i

will

give

it

blood

rip open my own skin,
to free the demon
hiding from within.

☆

dedication: my best friend Josh, who is a very strong person, i love very much and am very proud of. ❤ thank you for being there through hard times, i am very happy to call you my best friend.

author note: i just want to say, that i had a lot of thoughts about posting this, and was very hesitant with posting this because these topics are pretty controversial. but i think we do need to speak up about it as much as we can. it's important to spread awareness. i know that writing a poem, might sound 'romanticizing' to some, but this is my way of spreading awareness. this is how i show feeling and that i care. i put time, energy and my own personal experience to these things. self harm is serious, i am not at all for it, but it's already in the world and we need to help everyone we can as much as we can.

edit: i started crying half way through this because so many people, people who i am close with are hurting, an when they hurt i hurt, and i have no idea how to help them.

this poem is my way of trying to spread awareness of mental illnesses and self-harm.

i personally have never self harmed. but i know many people around me who have, including two who are very, very dear to me. they of course have their own reason, one of the reasons i personally have thought of self harm is because of self hatred.

this 'demon' (which might sound cliche, but whatever) can be seen as this voice and thing inside of me that wants to hurt others. i sometimes have really bad days in which i'm really angry and do want to hurt others, i manage to keep it in, i've learned to cope with these outburst and prevent them. but had i not found the more 'healthy' way, i most likely would've self harmed to prevent myself from hurting others.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY THAT IS THE WAY, IT IS NOT.

i am in no way trying to promote self harm, i am just depicting it as how i might've gone through a process similar to this (and in a way i have, but i never cut myself).

i am just saying that teenagers deal with a whole shit load of self-hatred, and because of this might/can turn to self-harm to 'relieve' themselves of this. there are also many other reasons, factors, as to why they are doing this, but many times it is because of them not being able to deal with their environment and themselves.

i have hurt myself mentally, which you can see as 'self mental abuse', i'm not going to self-diagnose myself because that's pretty bad. but you can link the conditions and things i have done to self mental abuse.

begging you to seek help, even though you might think that it's 'not that bad' even if you think you're going to 'burden' someone with this weight you carry.

no teenager, no human, should go through these things. not alone.

*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

*1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide.

*1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation's 24-hour national crisis line.

*1-800-799-SAFE – Domestic violence hotline.

*1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens' help line.

*you can PM me always