stardust | ✔

a humble thank u note from moi.

[ the thingy above is a little outdated since i wrote this a while ago but didn't have the guts or time to publish it, but oh well who cares. ]

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hello ! congrats you've reached the end...

yes, this is the official end of my first official 'poetry' book. (we don't talk about vodka shots which i finished within like a week.)

i actually never really knew when to end this , mainly because something felt...wrong? like i had unfinished business with this?

i couldn't figure out why i didn't want this to end, why i insisted on dragging this out and continuing writing poems for this one book even though nothing really had a purpose ( for me , there was no actual line where it would end a final word. ) ~maybe you noticed and maybe you didn't, but i was/am struggling to write poems that actually satisfy me at this point. i kept publishing and unpublishing chapters because i wasn't sure. i also wanted to end this book with an even number. that's why i unpublished two chapters that were actually new~ i never actually planned for this to become as 'big' as it has. i expected it to reach 5 or 6 people ( my closest friends here on wattpad ) and that would be it. and instead when ending this, it has reached over 8k people !!

and i am absolutely flabbergasted by the feedback & support that stardust has given me. i know fully well that 'numbers aren't everything' and it isn't about the votes/reads/comments. but it's really a nice feeling whenever i looked at my phone and saw over 100 notifications. the spam of comments that i would sometimes get in a day made me feel absolutely whaownwloa. like i have no actual words for it. i myself never am fully aware of the extent of things until i take a step back. and i'm taking a step back now.

i think i've come to a point in this book where i no longer write because i feel in the mood to, but because i feel obliged to update, scared that people will no longer care if i don't produce anything better then they read before. scared to fail because now there's a small spotlight on me. and i'm also scared to end this because i loved the amount of love i was receiving from this, and we all know that it will disappear as soon as i click completed. ( selfish, i know, but why are you else on this platform unless you want to share what you write? )

and only now do i see that this is the end for stardust. and i accept it. it feels complete & so do i.

stardust was a fun project, i loved posting on this and getting amazing comments ( some of them even had me crying ) and i'm going to miss that a lot, if i'm honest. because stardust has connected me to many people. and i've found absolutely great friends & amazingly talented and inspiring people through it, an example is xsulit , FrankenGee , dreamawolf , mariemidnight etc.

when i do things, i want them to have an impact on the people that read it that they'll go: "wow, i never thought about it before" or "gosh, you just put my feelings exactly to words" or "i am so happy that someone finally mentioned this!!!"

and when i first got comments like these on a few poems that i wrote i didn't quite understand why people liked them because i thought they were below my best and that the meaning was hazy and unclear. what i learned through this is that i might think that things are a certain way and that it isn't 'perfect enough' but that others will see it differently again ( mainly because i'm a perfectionist so yeah, everything i do looks shit in my eyes lol ). and now i read back comments with tears in my eyes because it makes me so happy that even though i was depressed out of my mind, people found comfort in what i wrote. people actually connected with my words. people actually appreciated what i did. and that's truly amazing.