Idiot/ Stevepop

Chap.33

Sodas POV

"Come on. We are going to the dingo to eat." Pony said as I sat on the sofa, staring at the tv that was off.

I knew I looked ridiculous. Cigarette hanging loose from my mouth, unlit. Hair sticking up everywhere. Bags under my eyes. My flannel handing loosely from my frame.

"Not hungry." I said, not looking at him.

"You have yo eat Soda." Pony said quietly.

I turned my head to him and raised an eyebrow.

"Wanna bet?" I asked.

"Fine!" He snapped with tears and slammed the door, leaving me alone.

It was only like that for a second.

The door opened again and Steve sat next to me. He didn't say anything. We didn't look at each other.

"Thought you were going to the dingo." I said as my cigarette dropped from my lips and rolled down my body.

"I'm not hungry. It reminds me of him. You really should eat though. You threw up everything last night." Steve said in a worried tone.

Yeah including him.

"I'm fine." I said calmly, still staring at the blank tv.

"You're not. You have bags under your eyes, you're skinny and you reek of cigarettes." He said calmly.

"Ask me if I give a shit." I replied.

He sighed and threw his head back.

It was deadly silent.

"Soda?" Steve said.

"Yes?"

"...did you love him?"

I thought for a second.

"Yes. But I wasn't in love with him. That's all you. I'm just angry with myself." I shook my head.

"There was nothing you could've done." Steve said as he grabbed my hand.

If only he knew.

I felt my bottom lip quiver and my eyes water.

Surely something ... maybe.

"It's not fair. His funeral. His dad won't go, I can tell you that. Nobody will be there but the gang because he didn't have anyone, Steve." I cried. It was true.

Dally didn't have anyone.

I didn't know why I was so hurt. We knew he was going to die some day. We knew it. All of us. It was an unspoken thing between us but it still hurt like hell when the day came.

Dallas Winston died. He died because he wanted to and he always go what he wanted.

He died young, violent, cold, hard, and desperate like we all knew he would someday.