I Bleed

Chapter 10 - How Do You Feel After the Fall?

SHAUN’S POV

“Shaun!” Bradie called out after me as I continued walking, “stop walking so fast!”

After he asked me for the second time who they were, I just walked away quickly. I couldn’t face my best friend seeing that I’m actually a scared little boy inside crying out for help. I just continued to move forward. I don’t even know where I’m going. I need to get away from people. I need my razor again…

Bradie caught up to me eventually, huffing and puffing.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned obviously seeing the tears rolling down my face in the moonlight.

It was the feeling of knowing my best friend knew that I was hurting that made the tears show. I try to act like the toughest person in front of him.

“Shaun?” he looked into my eyes, searching for an answer.

“I just want to go home,” I answered, my voice cracking.

“You can come back to mine,” he responded pulling his phone out, “I’ll call a taxi for us.”

“No,” I replied removing the phone from his hands, “I want to go home.”

He stared at me blankly, not knowing what to think of my behaviour.

“I’ll call a taxi for you then,” he said taking his phone back.

“Thank you,” I responded fixing my eyes on the ground.

Bradie’s the nicest person. I’m being such an arse and he just takes it in his stride like I’m a girl PMSing. How did I ever deserve a friend like him?

“They’ll be here in a few minutes, do you want me to stay with you?” he asked nicely.

“Nah, I’ll be okay,” he nodded and turned to walk off, “wait, how are you gonna get home?”

“I’ll just find Andy and he can drive me home,” he sighed, I could tell he didn’t want to ruin Andy’s night mostly because Andy will get all shitty at him.

“Just come in the taxi with me?” I suggested.

“Yeah, okay, I don’t want Andy to kill me for ruining his chances at finally losing his virginity,” he laughed.

When the taxi arrived we jumped in and were silent the whole way to my house, but as I stepped out of the car Bradie touched my shoulder.

“Tell me more about this tomorrow?” he stared into my eyes and I knew exactly what he meant.

I just nodded and shut the door even though I was most definitely not going to tell him anything.

As soon as I got inside the house I raced up the stairs to the bathroom. I’ve been desperate to do this since I left the party. I reached the bathroom and saw my razor sitting on the counter, my pain killer. I felt so much relief as I closed the door and locked it.

I picked up my razor, rolled up my sleeves and started to slash. It was such an adrenaline rush. Sure, it stung like hell, but it was my only escape from the emotional pain I was feeling.

Blood fell into the basin turning it from its usual white to crimson red. I rinsed my razor off when I started to feel light-headed. As I rinsed my arms I looked up to meet my reflection. I was so pale, the life was drained from my body. I was left with this dead person looking back at me.

I promised myself that I’d only do this once. But now, I know it’s going to happen again and again. I sighed and headed out of the bathroom to my bedroom. I picked up a pen and paper from my desk. When I get emotional I have the need to write about it and maybe turn it into a song. I sat on my bed and thought about exactly how I feel right now.

I sentence just came to me, ‘How do you feel after the fall?’. Surely I could make something out of that. Seeing as I just had a ‘fall’…

Hello, please don’t go.

Can you please direct me home

‘Cause I’m feeling so upset in this weather

That’s exactly how I felt when Bradie caught up with me tonight…It actually sounds like a good opening verse.

What are the street lights telling you?

As they back onto the morgue

This life doesn’t care at all.

Stay and I’ll stay with you

Please don’t feel so insecure

How do you feel after the fall?

How do you feel after the fall?

I like it. I’m going to call it ‘On The Morgue’. This is the only thing I like about myself, that I can turn my emotions into songs…