I Bleed

Chapter 21 - You Can Always Trust Bradie

SHAUN’S POV

Bradie fell silent and couldn’t look at me after I confessed that I wanted to die. He just stood up and turned his back to me. I felt so ashamed. I feel filthy being around someone who obviously loves me and just looking them in the eyes and saying that no one cares.

“Bradie…” I sighed and stood up, “I’m sorry.”

I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned around exposing his damp cheeks from the tears that were falling down his face. I was kind of shocked. I thought he was angry at me.

“Why are you apologising?” he asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Because…” I lifted up my damaged arms into his view, “because of this.”

“But it’s not your fault,” he replied, “you’re upset.”

“Yeah…well…I could’ve found another way to deal with it,” I responded, angry with myself.

“Like talking to me?” he suggested.

“Yeah…” I hesitantly answered, “I felt like a loser though.”

“Why?” he questioned, “because you were getting picked on?”

“Yeah,” I replied, sitting on my bed, “imagine what Andy would’ve said.”

“But I said ‘talk to me’, not Andy,” he said, sitting next to me.

“Yeah, but…” I started.

“Don’t you trust me to keep things between us?” he asked curiously.

Boy, I hope he’ll keep what he found out tonight between us. I don’t want the whole school knowing.

“I do…” I assured him, “just…Andy finds out this stuff and he tells the wrong people and then it goes around.”

“Like last year?” Bradie slightly laughed.

“Yeah,” I blushed. I now know to never share any personal information in their house again.

“Well, it’s okay,” he reassured me, “Andy’s not here, all of this is going to stay between us.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, “thank you.”

“You should probably talk to someone though…” he started.

“What do you think I’m doing?” I laughed.

“I meant like…a counsellor or something,” he explained, “the school has one.”

“I don’t want to,” I said sternly.

“Shaun…” he began.

“No, I prefer talking like this,” I replied.

“They’d be of better help…” he tried to persuade me.

“Bradie,” I stopped him and he looked at me, “I really don’t want to.”

“Okay,” he sighed, “but…”

“What?” I asked curiously.

He picked up my right arm, the sleeves still up exposing the scars.

“Can you promise not to do this again?” he said, running a finger over the damaged skin.

I fell silent and swallowed hard. Can I stop this? Sure, I might feel okay now. But, hours from now I could have another breakdown. That’s what I hate about this. Everytime I just get a little upset or stressed I have to do it. It’s like anxiety pills, a stress reliever.

“Um…” I said uncertainly.

“Shaun…” he looked me in the eyes.

“I don’t think I can…” I replied, tears building up.

“You can,” he assured me, “if you ever feel like you wanna do it, call me.”

Ugh, I’d hate to be talking to Bradie when I’m at my weakest. Trying to have him talk me out of it just feels like such a pussy thing to do.

“Okay,” I agreed, though not really sure that I was being one hundred percent honest.

“I love you in the most non-gay way possible,” he giggled.

“Ditto,” I laughed.

He grabbed ahold of my left arm studying in curiously.

“Is that where they got you with the needle?” he asked pointing to a purple mark high on my forearm.

“Yeah, I think,” I answered.

“You should maybe get it checked out,” he replied.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, you said it was a dirty needle,” he responded.

“Yeah, so?” I questioned, unsure of what he was getting at.

“If it had been used by someone with HIV you could’ve contracted the disease,” he explained.

I felt my heart rate pick up. They are pretty dirty people, I wouldn’t put it past them.

“Does it look like I have it?” I questioned, concerned for my health.

“I can’t tell from just looking at it,” he laughed at my stupidness, “you need a blood test, we can go to the doctors tomorrow?”

“I guess,” I responded.

Yay, just when I thought everything was going to be okay, I find out that I could have some dirty disease. Life, you really love me…