I Bleed

Chapter 25 - I Bleed The Darkest Tears Of All

SHAUN’S POV

I slammed the breaks down once I pulled into my driveway. I did it. I drove all the way home with only nearly killing myself twice. Oh well, I don’t care how I die, I just want to die. I ripped my seatbelt off after pulling the handbrake up and jumped out of the car.

I couldn’t breathe properly. I was hyperventilating. I had to put all of that behind me as I quickly made my way inside, leaving the car running.

As I stepped inside I looked directly at the kitchen. Kitchen…knives…sharp blades? I slowly, but emotionally walked towards the drawer where the knives were kept. I wiped away the tears that were burning in my eyes with the back of my hand as I pulled the drawer open.

You have to do this, Shaun. It’s the only way everyone will be happy. It’s the only way you will be happy, I said to myself as I grabbed the sharpest one there. As I gripped it my hand started shaking, I knew what I was about to do. My body was trying to tell me to stop.

No! I’m doing this! It’s the only way out, I told myself.

I shook my head and made my way out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Once I reached the bathroom I closed the door behind me.

BRADIE’S POV

“I don’t get it Bradie,” Andy started, “what makes you think Shaun stole my car?”

We caught the first train to Budgewoi once I told him that I thought Shaun took his car. I’m almost positive he did. I just hope he hasn’t done it yet…

“Just…” I didn’t know what to tell him, “trust me.”

“No, I want to know,” he said angrily, “you and Shaun have been really secretive lately.”

“Uhh…” No, I can’t tell Andy, I promised Shaun.

“I wanna know what’s going on,” he replied firmly.

“Andy…I can’t,” I answered, getting upset with myself, “I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

He tried searching my eyes for answers, but I turned my head away because if we made eye contact I’d blab. I know I would.

“Bradie…” he said getting my attention, “is Shaun in trouble?”

I couldn’t look at him while tears started spilling from my eyes. If I tell him and Shaun hasn’t done anything, he’d kill me.

“Please tell me…” Andy pleaded.

I turned to look at him, I knew I shouldn’t have…

“You remember when I asked who those guys were in the yearbook…?” I asked cautiously.

“Yeah…” Andy replied, his eyes going wide, “they aren’t hassling you, are they?”

“Not me…” I answered truthfully.

“Shaun?” he asked softly.

I nodded slowly, turning away from him.

“Well is he alright? They didn’t hurt him, did they?” he questioned.

“Do you think I would know if they didn’t?” I said, turning to him again, “he didn’t tell me until he was petrified that they’d hurt him again.”

“I haven’t seen bruises on him or anything,” he began, “but, I guess they do that in places where it can be hidden.”

I nodded, “they hurt him more than that too.”

Oh god, I wish I hadn’t have said that.

“What do you mean?” Andy asked curiously.

Ugh, I have to tell him now. He won’t leave me alone until he knows.

“Well…” I gulped, “he cuts himself.”

“What?!” Andy said loudly, “you mean those rumours are true?!”

“Yes…” I replied.

“I don’t get why…” he started.

“He’s upset, Andy,” I cut him off, “you don’t get bullied and teased every day, do you?”

“No…” he answered looking at the floor.

“He’s alone in all of his classes, he thinks everyone hates him,” I repeated what Shaun told me.

“Everyone doesn’t hate him,” Andy responded.

“I know that!” I shouted, making some people in the train look in our direction.

He put his arms around me noticing that I was distraught. I could tell he cared or else he wouldn’t have done that because of the gay jokes.

“He’s not suicidal, is he?” Andy asked, releasing his grip from me.

“He told me he wants to die,” I replied sadly as the train stopped at Budgewoi Station.

“Well, come on!” Andy responded, pulling me up as we both ran out of the train.

Please be alright, Shaun. Don’t do something stupid…