Pokemon: Ultra Smutty and Ultra Mature

Route 8

Perched atop the volcano, stood one of the darkest men in Alola; that ass Kiawe. "Well well well! If it isn't the runaway," Kiawe shouted.

"Good to see you're still burnt from when I whooped your ass years ago," I responded. Hau stayed silent, only quickly eyeing the both of us. Kiawe wasn't a bad dude and I didn't hate him, we were just very competitive, especially with us both being mainly fire type users.

Kiawe chortled at my retort and smiled. "Still a hothead. Bro, how are you in love with her?"

"She's strong and can protect me. I may be a kahuna, but she's a champion," Hau answered.

"Hopefully a champion who still has the moves. I didn't prepare a traditional challenge for you two, there was no warning, so, we are gonna dance," Kiawe said.

Dance?! Oh hell no. The last time I danced was when I tried a contest. Let's just say it was not pretty. Kiawe guided us on where to stand. The heat from the volcano made it uncomfortably warm, but I was not gonna remove a layer of clothes in front of Kiawe, even if both he and Hau went shirtless. Damn! The abs were on point! Clearly, these "bros" worked out together. Kiawe started busting out the dance moves, and it was easy at first, but Kiawe being Kiawe, he cranked up the intensity. Those steps confused the hell out of me. I ended up dizzy, winded, and missing several steps. Hau and Kiawe were practically in sync, it was like they practiced it or something. At the end of the dance challenge, I was bent over, huffing for air. Sweat poured off of my face. I looked at Hau and Kiawe and they were glistening, standing up like that dance was nothing. There aren't a lot of times my ass gets kicked, but it did there.

Kiawe looked at me, smirked, then spoke, "Look's like our champion lost her heat on the dance floor. If you weren't so thick, you might have danced better Mono."

"I really don't care what you think Kiawe, I got thick for Hau, not you," I fired back.

"Well... considering I wasn't your first, are you sure you got thick for me?" Hau asked.

I could not believe what I just heard. That was the ultimate betrayal! I don't know if it was the volcano or his "bro," being around, but I knew Hau knew not to be that saucy with me. "What the fuck Hau!" I started, "That's a rude ass thing to say to the person who sucks your dick."

"Oh shit," Kiawe interjected. Hau quickly clammed up and blushed.

I looked at Kiawe and snapped at him, "You shut the hell up you Turtofucker!"

Kiawe looked at Hau, his face covered in dismay. "Seriously?! She opens her lips and you open yours? Not cool!"

Kiawe and I ended up furiously arguing, with Hau standing silently. I thought I occasionally heard him say something, but I was too deep in the heated discourse. That is until Hau shouted out loudly. The scream reminded me of the little bitch boy noises he made when he was much younger. Both Kiawe and I turned to him and shouted, "What?!"

"Something is coming out of the volcano!" Hau stated, pointing towards it. He was damn right, something was coming out and it was causing an eruption as it did. From within the lava sprang a totem sized Magmortar, and it looked fucking pissed.

When it landed on the stage, the entire thing shook. I would have treated it as a shake from its weight, but this was different. It was a steady tremor.

"Ah! It used Earthquake!" Kiawe shouted.

"No shit Looker. Now we need to use Beat Up. Go Greninja!" I bellowed, the released it from its Pokeball. Hau released Vaporeon and Kiawe released Turtonator. Right there on that stage, a battle commenced, but it didn't stay on stage for long. That Magmortar had some serious firepower, blasts so strong we evacuated spots we stood on. Kiawe's shirt was burnt, not that he cared. We were all blown from the stage when Magmortar called on its allies; a duo of Salazzles. This was pure hell! It was already hot from the volcano, Magmortar was trying to roast us with Flamethrower, and the Salazzles were trying to poison us. All of us were scrambling about trying to dodge and attack the powerful monsters. Turtonator put up the best fight, literally in the face of the beast. I caught a glimpse of Kiawe's Z-Ring glowing and commanded Greninja to move. Hau also noticed and had Vaporeon move before the massive Inferno Overdrive came crashing down onto the "totem" Pokemon. The explosion sent waves of heat all over the area and was horribly loud. When the smoke cleared, the monster Magmortar still stood, as if completely unphased by the Z-move. The Salazzles were visibly shaken, which got worse once Magmortar let out another Earthquake, this one much stronger than the first. The quake was terrible, knocking all of us trainers off our feet and destabilizing Turtonator. Once the weakness was spotted, Magmortar took the opportunity and hit Turtonator with a close-range Fireblast, that sent it flying off the volcano. Kiawe managed to return it before it completely rolled away. While I was distracted by that horrible defeat, Hau and Vaporeon moved in, taking out both Salazzle. Vaporeon was going at a good pace towards Magmortar, but the sneaky bastard charged up a powerful Thunder Punch and sent Vaporeon flying. Hau caught it in his arms, nearly tumbling down the side of the volcano, then returned it to its Pokeball. Damn. It was up to me and tired Greninja now. It was very rare for me to not know what to do in a Pokemon battle, but I was terrified and confused. Greninja looked at me, waiting for orders, but I just couldn't give any.

"Mono! Snap out of it! I know you can do it!" Hau called out.

"Come on! Show it no mercy!" Kiawe shouted.

I managed to crawl back onto my feet. "Alright Greninja, let's help that monster cool off. Water Shuriken!"

Greninja threw a flurry of shurikens at Magmortar, quickly dashing around it to avoid Flamethrowers. As it moved, I steadied my feet, gaining sturdy ground. "Use Surf!" I ordered.

Greninja paused its rapid movements just long enough to unleash the attack. It didn't do much to move Magmortar, but it was effective. With strong, stable footing, I was able to do the dance to activate the Waterium Z. "Now Greninja, Hydro Vortex!"

A tsunami of water flowed around the entire area, covering Magmortar. Next, Greninja charged towards it, swirling it around in a vortex of water. Once the water cleared, Greninja came and stood next to me. Magmortar was still standing, eyes focused on us. Magmortar started taking a few steps back, towards the very opening it sprang from. It slowly fell back into the lava pit, and that hard fight was over. The volcano sat quietly until Kiawe and Hau broke out into a cheer and laughter.

"Great job Mono!" Hau said

"That's the fiery fighting spirit I missed," Kiawe added.

I didn't respond. How could I? Magmortar was a monster, and one I didn't feel prepared enough to fight. I was scared for my Greninja, and even more scared of losing. I was startled when I felt Hau suddenly embrace me. I returned Greninja to its Pokeball and held it close to my chest, finally able to exhale. I looked at Hau, smiled, then said, "Let's get the hell off this volcano!"

All three of us called in Charizard rides and flew straight to the Pokecenter on Route 8. Once inside, we healed our Pokemon and enjoyed some drinks at the cafe. This was the perfect time to catch up with Kiawe.

"Care to explain the new totem Kiawe?" I asked.

"Magmortar isn't an official totem. I was training it to be a totem, but it's far too wild and extremely dangerous. It must have been pretty mad to come out of the volcano and fight, or perhaps it sensed your power and had to challenge you," Kiawe responded.

"All I know is, all this fighting has made me hungry," Hau blurted.

It had been a while since we ate anything, but it was dark and the only place I wanted to go was to the motel next door. We gathered up our Pokemon and Hau and I went over to the motel and booked a room. Kiawe was generous enough to fly to Konikoni City and grab us some food from Mallow's restaurant, as well as tell her she was next on our trial trail. After eating, Hau and I rested, preparing for the next day.