Serendipity is for Suckers | h.s. *EDITING*

43 // ❀417 days before❀

A/N: Thank you guys soooo so much for reading and commenting and voting! I truly appreciate every single one of you guys <3

📍Oahu, Hawaii📍

"Our back patio renovation is finally finished!" I hear my mom say and then chuckle to herself to try and make small talk in this very silent car. I slept for most of the flight home just because I couldn't handle all the feelings of pain and confusion circulating my tired mind.

I don't exactly know how I feel yet; whether that's pure sadness or straight up anger. It's too soon to tell the future so I shouldn't be getting my hopes up or letting myself down just yet.

We finally arrive at the hospital and the walk to Lani's room is painstakingly slow. I hate hospitals and how dark and gloomy the mood is. Which is ironic because that's exactly how I am in real life.

My mom leads me to the door of Lani's room and I push myself in slowly. She pats the back of my shoulder lightly and offers me a sympathetic smile before disappearing back down the hallway. I pop my head in first and when the nurse notices my appearance, she greets me and walks out to give us some privacy.

The moment I spot my best friend on that stupid hospital bed, my stomach drops. She looks frailer and skinnier since I last saw her. That was only almost two months ago and even then she looked thinner than usual. I just suspected she was exercising more but now it makes more sense because she was thinner and not toned at all.

Why didn't I bring it up? I'm not gonna lie, a little part of me also suspected she was feeling a little bit depressed and I should've been there as a friend and asked her about it. But instead I let my selfish ass be the topic of discussion for the entire vacation.

"Cancer?! Seriously?! How 'unserious' enough is that for you not to tell me right away?" I step fully into the room with my arms crossed over my chest. I feel a little bad for raising my voice at my sick friend but I guess the angry side of me decided to talk rather than the sympathetic one.

"I know... and I feel bad," she starts to say and I immediately recognize how slow and tired her voice sounds.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would've dropped everything to be here for you," I assure her.

"Well, we didn't discover it until after you left back in December. Once we did, hospital life got busy since they found it at stage four." When those words come out of her mouth my stomach drops for the second time today. "And I knew how busy it was going to get for you with the new leg of the tour starting and all-"

"Lani, the tour doesn't even matter compared to what you're going through right now. You should know better by now to tell me when something this serious is up," I interrupt her.

"I tried to! I called one time but then you started gushing about your night with Harry and I didn't wanna take away your mood." She looks away and smiles to herself. "It was the first time I've ever heard you happy in a long time and, honestly, it was a better conversation topic than my pancreatic cancer." She tries to put out a small laugh to ease my unsettlement. It seems to work because my anger dissapates instantly. I walk closer and sit at the edge of her bed.

"Shit, Lani, I'm sorry you felt that way. I was being totally oblivious and ignorant."

"It's okay, Ria, seriously. You're here now right?" She smiles and I smile back, holding her hand in mine. "Okay! Let's get rid of the tension," she suggests. "Tell me. How's Mr. Harry Styles?" she gushes and raises her eyebrows up and down as she holds her chin up with her hand.

I roll my eyes playfully at the way she's still so energetic and charismatic considering her condition. I cave in anyways and catch her up on everything since I last saw her.

♩♫♪♬

*one month later*

"When did he make this?" Lani asks, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"A few days ago," I answer.

Everyday since I arrived here in Hawaii I visited Lani. Her mom visited as much as she could, often skipping work to be with her only daughter during the last few months she has left.

Fuck. It hurts to think about it and I hate how I'm clinging to the small sliver of hope that she will make it. Doctor visits and appointments seem to prove otherwise but I just know she'll be fine. She will.

The nurses even gave me my own bed for whenever I wanted to spend the night, which was way too often, making me think that I should let Lani's time be peaceful without me bothering her every second of the day. I try not to be a burden but am glad to hear everytime she reminds me that she's glad I'm there for her and making her dull days less boring. Which I think is a compliment.

We're currently sitting on her bed, sharing earphones, and listening to a music playlist Harry made for me a few days ago.

God, I miss him. And I feel so fucking bad for leaving him. I'm so conflicted and I can only hope he understands. I feel so guilty and I swear I'm not taking our relationship for granted. I've been put through a lot since I met him, all in regards to the rollercoaster of emotions and countless times figuring out whether he even liked me or not. Now that I finally got him, I just got up and left.

He's been nothing but supportive since I left and we've been facetiming almost every night. Lani doesn't seem to mind considering she still has a mild obsession over my boyfriend. Which I can't seem to figure out whether that's weird or not.

"Oh! This is the song that was playing when Harry and I kissed for the first time," I say after taking a gulp of water. I reminisce a little about that moment and my heart flutters. Even though Harry and I are thousands of miles away, he still has a direct line to the blood running through my veins and I get goosebumps just at the thought of his touch on my arm. I miss his touch.

"A little cheesy. But also cute," Lani responds and I nod in agreement. "You should go back to him," she suggests casually. She says it without looking at me to gauge my reaction.

"No, I cou-"

"Ria, you've been here for a month already. You're on a first name basis with my nurses and all you do is hang out here, not that I mind, but you have a life to live outside of this hospital! And what about school?"

"It's called online school for a reason," I counter using her own words against her. She rolls her eyes but the playfullness is missing.

"You have a boyfriend," she counter argues.

"Well, he doesn't have a deteriorating pancreas!" I fight back. Her furrowed eyebrows soften a little bit as she goes deep in thought.

"True," she says almost quietly. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "You're neglecting him."

No I'm not. Right? He understands and I love him for that. Okay, maybe she's right. Even though I'm here for Lani out of selflessness, I'm still being selfish for leaving Harry. This girlfriend shit is hard and I fucking suck at it already.

"Speaking of, it's okay if he comes right?" I ask and her eyes light up.

"Of course! Thank you my 'make a wish wishmaker.'" she says excitedly.

"I think they're called Genies," I laugh along with her. I should call Harry.

"Oh!" Lani groans suddenly and clamps her arms over her stomach. She tries to move and get up and in a second I'm on my own feet helping her to the bathroom. Everytime she has these little episodes I freak out everytime but I've been doing my best at keeping calm, which is what the nurse suggested.

"Are you okay? Do you need Nurse Jackie?" I grip her forearms and elbows in order to steady herself. She's become weaker by the day and it hurts me to see her so vulnerable and fragile.

When they started her chemotherapy, it made this situation seem all too real. I couldn't stand knowing that my best friend might be leaving me.

"No, I'm okay, I'm just going to lie down. I feel a little bit nauseous." She sits back down and I hand her her bottle of water. I recline her bed back so that she can take a nap. I watch her slowly start to fall asleep and almost don't notice the small tears that have escaped my eyes and are now resting shamelessly on my cheeks.