Kehlani
After dinner we lay on the couch, wine tipsy, and just talk to each other. My legs lay across his, he rubs them gently.
"So how's the album coming?" I ask while playing in his hair.
"I'm actually almost done, he left me all these stories to tell and I just get nostalgic going through them. He even left me a recording of his daughter's first cries. It's a lot to handle given what happened to us." He says his last sentence softly. I get a sick feeling in my chest and stomach as I always do when my lost son is brought up.
"It's not upsetting you is it?" I rub his forearm. Even though I literally grew him in my womb and felt his lifeless body come out of me, I know it largely affected Jermaine. It was his first and only son. And on top of that he had to watch me endure so much pain and loss, then lose myself as well.
"Nah, I'm okay babe." He assures me. "So how are you? How'd your session go today with Rhodes?"
"I told her I felt guilty about what happened to you and the baby and-" I start but Jermaine cuts me off and gives me a concerned but stern looked.
"How many times I gotta tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about? You didn't do a damn thing wrong." He says firmly. I nod and look down at my lap.
"I know but it's different when someone who has no emotional connection with you says it. And I don't know, her words stuck. I didn't ask for Ron to take me off of the streets, I didn't ask to be fall for Ben. They both had power over me and being a kid I was just trying to find a home. And they gave me one, not necessarily a happy one, but it was enough for me. I don't know why it took me so long to see how bad it was though." I sip my wine and relax in the tipsy feeling.
"Like you said, you were young. Of course you weren't going to pass the opportunity to belong to something that took care of you when your mama couldn't. I'm just glad you got out." He rubs my thigh and leans forward to give me a kiss. "Especially because you wouldn't have found me."
I smile into our kiss. Things start to heat up between us and Jermaine is in between my legs. He grabs my wine glass and sets it on our coffee table. I place my hands on both sides of his face and hold him close to me as we make out on the couch. He gets on top and starts to kiss on my neck. I moan at the sensation of his tongue moving in circles on my skin.
It's been a little over six months of no sex for us. I just haven't been in the mood or felt comfortable enough or even attractive enough to do it. I've helped pleasure Jermaine but it isn't what he wants. At first he would constantly tell me how beautiful I was to him and joke about how he wouldn't have let me stay with him if I weren't attractive. But none of that really had an impact on how I felt. I was in a super depressed state and I was the only one who could really drag myself out of it.
Every time things start to heat up with us I would stop it and try to distract him. And now I feel myself getting that feeling again. In the middle of him kissing my neck and making his way to my chest I tense up.
"Wait." I say abruptly. J puts his forehead on my chest and lets out a low sigh.
"Please Lani," he begs into my skin. "It's been too long and I think we should at least try."
"I know but I don't feel-" I start.
"Kehlani in my eyes you are the most beautiful woman on Earth. Inside and out, which is why you're my wife. Just let me make love to my wife. This isn't just for me, I know you have to miss it a little." He looked at me knowingly. "Let me love you."
He was right. I missed the closeness and the intensity. Also this wine has given a bit more confidence in myself. Not as much as he or I would hope for but enough to try.
"Okay." I say softly. Jermaine's eyes light up and he gives me a hopeful smile.
He gets ups and picks me up with him. With his hands holding me by my butt and my legs wrapped around his waist, we make our way upstairs and into our room. J pushes the door open with his large foot. He lays me down in the middle of our bed and kneels over me. I watch him as he pulls off his t-shirt and throws it on the floor. Then he pulls off my shirt and pants, dropping them with his things, continues from where we left off downstairs.
The trail of kisses he's making down my body feels great. He pulls off my underwear and bra, leaving me completely exposed to him. I start to hide myself but he removes my arms and shakes his head at me, then he spreads my legs wide. My back arches as he kisses my lower half. His tongue explores me in all directions. I moan and bite my bottom lip. He comes up and kisses me, I roll my tongue over his.
I flip us over and kiss down his body, he watches as I do this. I pull his boxers off and immediately work my mouth on him. I roll my tongue on his other head and massage him.
"C'mon." He lifts me up and puts me on my back. I hold my legs up while he aligns himself with me. He holds onto my thighs and pushes into me.
"Ah fuck." We both moan at the same time. He lays down on me and starts to thrust into me. I grip his back roughly and wrap my legs around his waist. I move so we can meet in the middle as he thrusts. After a while of this he flips me over and grips my hips. Jermaine pounds into me and I push back on him as much as I can.
All night we switch positions, grind, bite, scratch, and more. After we both reach our climax, me reaching it a third time, we fall on the bed and cuddle into each other's arms and start to fall asleep.
"I love you so much Lani."
"I love you too J."
