Kehlani
a week later
"You okay in here?" Jermaine walks into the room and kisses my cheek as I eat peanut butter straight from the jar.
I cough a little and nod. "I'm good." For a about two days I've had a fever. And since Jermaine treats me like such a baby I've been in the bed the whole time. The only time I can really get up is to pee or when he leaves the house, which he rarely does.
"Can't believe you can eat that."He makes a face at my snack.
"What? It's good. Can I have my carrots." I suck on the sticky spoon.
"Carrots. Here we go." He hands me the bag of baby carrots and sits on the bed with me. "You know most people eat that with celery."
"Well I'm not most people," I wink at him, "you know that."
"You damn right." He leans over and kisses me. Into the kiss I feel a pressure in my throat like something is trying to come up. I realize I'm about to gag so I pull back. I hold my hand to my mouth to suppress the feeling. The gag comes again so I run to the bathroom. I kneel on the floor and throw up into the bowl. All of the peanut butter comes up and stings my throat.
Jermaine comes running into the bathroom and squats beside me.
"You alright babygirl?" He rubs my back in a circular motion. I nod then close the seat. "Must be more than a cold."
"Let me brush my teeth." I stand up and flush the toilet.
In my bathroom I brush my teeth and gargle Listerine. Jermaine comes back in and hands me a cup of Ginger Ale. I thank him and sit on the bed while I sip the drink.
"Well I threw the peanut butter away. Must not have been any good." I nod. "Well go ahead and get dressed for your appointment today, if you feel okay to go."
I nod and get up to take a shower. Finally I have an excuse to get out of this house. Unfortunately it's just to go sit in a depressing room and tell a doctor about my depressing feelings so she can tell me what to do.
a few hours later
"So this is a new dream?" Dr.Rhodes asks for clarification.
"Yeah, and I think this shows some type of progress. But I didn't want to get my hopes up so I wanted your opinion on it." I sip my tea and wait for her to give me feedback.
Once I got dressed to come to my appointment Jermaine was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I had to beg him to let me drive myself to my appointment. He was scared I was going to cough too hard and crash into a tree. So to make sure I was safe he wanted to be on the phone with me through the whole ride. But I made him settle for a text to tell him I was there and tell him I was on the way home.
"Well Kehlani my opinion doesn't matter much but if you really want it then yes, I do think this is progress. The baby was alive, there's the possibility that your guilt is going away and hope is replacing it."
"Hope? Hope for what?"
"I don't know, what do you think?"
"I guess hope for another chance." I stare at my feet and ponder the thought. "But that doesn't make sense because how would I even get another chance?"
"Another baby perhaps." Dr.Rhodes shrugs. "You said you've been feeling under the weather lately?"
"Yeah I've had a fever and this morning I threw up." I inform her.
