Kehlani
My heart drops to my stomach as I look at the woman in front of me. The women I left about 9 years ago. She doesn't look the same. She looks healthier, fuller, more lively than I remember.
"My baby!" She exclaims. She steps forward to hug me and I flinch. "I'm sorry. Is it ok if I hug you?"
I try to speak but my voice doesn't come out. A million thoughts run through my mind that my mouth can't process out fast enough.
"Lani." I hear Jermaine's calming voice behind me. He snaps me back into the moment and I nod.
"Oh I didn't realize someone else was here." My mom says. She looks J up and down and gives a small smile.
"Jermaine. You must be Keh's mom." He steps in front of me with an outstretched hand. I look at the floor behind J's feet. I catch my breath without having to look at her.
Where the fuck has she been? All of these years I never thought she'd come back. I didn't even think she'd remember me. That maybe she'd written me off for leaving. Or maybe didn't notice.
"Yeah my name's Michelle. You a friend of my baby?" She asks. Jermaine chuckles softly and I flick his arm.
"No ma'am I'm her husband." Her eyes pop out in shock.
"Husband? Oh, I'm sorry I-" She starts.
"No it's all good, uh, come in." J steps to the side and pulls me beside him. My mom walks in and looks around the house. I move to close the door behind us. He leans down to whisper in my ear. "Baby you ok?" I nod. "I'm right here for you, but you gotta say something." I nod. He sighs and leads me into the living room with my mom.
"This is a beautiful home, quite large too." My mom compliments. She sits on the couch and Jermaine I sit on the love seat. I sit slumped into the seat and clasp my hands together. Jermaine leans forward to engage with Michelle.
"Thank you. Worked hard for this." He says.
"What do you do?"
"Well I'm a music artist. My stage name is J. Cole."
"Oh! I knew you looked familiar. That's impressive. Lani got yourself a talented man." I say nothing back. My mouth can't move. She clears her throat through the awkwardness and looks around for something else so point out. "These pictures are so cute." She grabs one from the side table beside her and looks at it with a smile. "He is absolutely adorable." She says.
"Yeah that's our son Lamarr."
"I have a grandson too! This day just keeps giving. How old is he?" She asks.
"He's four." Jermaine nods.
"Oh so precious, is he here? Can I meet him?"
"He's not at the moment but I'm sure you can meet him sometime soon." Jermaine nods.
Is he crazy? He's gonna let this deadbeat ass women who just waltz in 5 minutes ago meet our son? So he can be fucked up like me? Nah.
"Okay, he looks just like you Jermaine. And Lani I see he has your ey-"
"Where've you been?" I finally ask. She flinches at the sternness of my voice. Jermaine puts his hand on my knee and gives it a gentle squeeze. It makes me relax a bit, but not as much as his arms around me would.
She sets down the photo and sighs. "I've uh...been in prison."
"For 9 years? For what?"
"No for about 6 and for prostitution, drug possession, and trying to bribe a cop." She looks down at her hands then straights up and holds her chin up. "Sorry they told me I need to hold my bead high when explaining what happened." My confused facial expression must have been very obvious because she answered my mental question by saying "rehab sponsor".
I nod. Jermaine squeezes my thighs again and leans back a little.
"I'm sorry Mrs.Parrish, that must have been tough."
"Please call me Michelle, and my last name isn't Parrish. I never married Kehlani's father, Elon." Jermaine just nods. I continue to stare at her. Despite her looking better I can still see the same women from all those years ago. The tired eyes, the thin lips that now have color, her once greasy hair looks healthier and full. "Kehlani baby." I cringe at her calling me that. "I'm so sorry for what I put you through."
I shake my head. I push myself off of the couch and walk into the kitchen. I pace the kitchen floor for a few seconds then grab a water bottle from the fridge. I press the cool plastic to my forehead and neck. The cold liquid rushes down my throat as I gulp it down. I set it on the counter and put the lid back on. I rest my elbows on the counter and hold my face in my hands.
I hear Jermaine and Michelle's faint voices from the living room.
Oh god what is happening.
Jermaine
Kehlani shoots up from the couch and storms off into the kitchen. I sigh and shake my head. I look at Michelle and see the hurt on her face as she twiddles her thumbs in her lap.
"I'm sorry. She's just overwhelmed." I say. She nods.
"I shouldn't have come. It wasn't the right time."
"It's never the right time for something like this." I assure her. She bites her lip softly and continues to play with her thumbs. "So that's where's he gets it from."
"Huh?"
"The lip biting and the thumb thing. She does it when she's nervous or worried."
"Oh." She chuckles. "When Lani was little and she wanted something she would stand in front of me and hook her thumbs together and twist her feet." She tells me.
"Oh wow that sounds adorable."
"Oh it was. She was just the sweetest little thing." She grins.
"I think she may be a little calmer now. I'll go check on her." I stand and nod to Michelle who's eyes follow me. I walk into the kitchen to see Lani leaning on the counter with her head on her hands. I grab her arms and pull her towards me. She rests her forehead on my chest.
"Baby are you ok?" I ask. She nods.
"I'm just overwhelmed. She still here?" I nod. "Okay send her in. Or I'll go to her."
My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. I can't even imagine what must be going on in her head right now. I know it took everything for her not to snap on her mom in there.
"You sure?" I ask. She nods. Kiss her forehead then lips. "Ok I'll be in here."
Kehlani
My mom sits with her face in her hands and sighs. I sit down on the couch beside her and take a deep breath. She looks up and turns towards me.
"Kehlani I-"
"No um...I'm sorry for my outburst, I just...I don't know. I've wanted to find you but had no idea how and here we are. I'm just a little overwhelmed." I explain to her.
She grabs my hands. I look at her head on now, I haven't been able to since I opened the door.
"Kehlani it's fine baby. I should be the one apologizing for all those years I treated you so wrong and messed your life up at such a young age. If I had been a better mother then none of this would have happened. I would've be here for your wedding, the birth of your son, birthdays, Christmases and so much more. This is all my fault. If it weren't for me you wouldn't have left. I'm so sorry baby girl." She started to cry. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly.
"It's okay mama we're together now." I say softly to her as I rub her back. It's all I really can say because everything else she said was true. And I definitely was not going to say otherwise.
"You're right. And I'm so happy to be here."
A small grin appears on my face as I look at my mother smiling back.
"Y'all okay out here?" J says behind me. I turn and smile at him.
"Yeah we're good."
