tears of blood ~ yoonseok

17/30

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"i tried to make it through the night
but i cant control my mind."
~ thinking bout you.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

i watched the time on my phone change from 3:59am to 4:00am. this happens at least once every week, i watch the time flash right before my eyes. it was kind of a wake up call. the rain pounding on my bedroom window was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment, the constant harsh pattering reminding me that i was still here. alive and breathing. i was still part of this world.

at times like this i would turn to my art work, creativity oozing out of every part of my body. but staring at that same piece of art for weeks on end has gotten boring, referring from a mere photo has gotten boring. and the urge to see the real thing has become almost natural and that's why i'm watching the time flash by. to remind myself that it's not slowing down, that it's not going backwards. it's going forwards, at a ridiculous pace that i cant get my head around.

i unlocked my phone, scrolling through my contacts. today i had more than usual, taehyung giving everyone my number after our talk on the beach. nights like these i would call either him or jungkook, they wouldn't get mad at me for waking them up in four in the morning but grateful that i called them and didn't allow myself to go through it alone. but i can't help but think how annoying i must seem. constantly pestering them like i was a child, after i insisted i was not.

my eyes landed on a particular appealing name, one of the reasons i was thinking rather then sleeping. i glared at the name for what seemed like hours before pressing it before i could regret even unlocking my phone in the first place.

it rung a few times, the daunting sound contrasting the howling of the wind and the pounds of the rain. he didn't pick up. the empty feeling in my chest became more present, eating my insides up. however before my thoughts could carry on any further i heard my phone softly ring, yoongi's screen name displayed on the bright screen. i felt my heart leap out of my chest, contemplating on wether to answer or not. deciding on the second option.

i watched he call end, only for him to ring back again.

"h-hello..?" i said, wanting to cry until there was no tears in my body remaining.

"hoseok? is everything okay?" his groggy, hoarse voice rang through the speaker, sending shivers down spine.

"oh um yeah. everything's fine..."

"sorry i didn't answer, i was asleep."

"no i'm sorry, i shouldn't have called you. i'll be going now, bye yoongi..."

"no wait!"

i felt my stomach doing backflips in an act of anxiousness as i heard shuffles on the other side of the phone before he spoke again.

"there must be a reason you called..."

"nope. no reason."

"hmm okay. why are you awake anyway?" his words were slurred like a drunk, making me feel even more guilty because of the tiredness seeping from his voice.

"i just couldn't sleep."

"ah that's okay. happens to all of us."

i thought more over the situation and how stupid i was being. why am i so different to everyone else? other people probably have bigger problems then me, i'm just being weak.

"you're right. i'm sorry."

"no i didn't mean it like that!" i heard him sigh before there was more shuffling.

"oh..."

"i'm sorry hoseok, i'm just messing this up aren't i?" a chuckle was audible from the line, a small smile making its way across my face.

"no you're not, don't worry about it."

"hm okay."

"are you tired?"

"a little."

"go to sleep then."

"but then you would have no one to talk to." i felt my heart melt a little as these words entered my ear.

"i wish i could see your eyes." i didn't respond to his sleepy statement, the line remaining silent for a bit before i had the courage to speak.

"i wish i could see yours too."