Her Greatest Salvation -Olivia Benson

Wake up

The noises of the hospital room buzzed all around her. She wanted the noises to stop, the beeping of the heart monitor, the iv drip. The talk of people outside her door. She knew exactly where she was but struggled to open her eyes against the light.

"Liv, can you hear me?" Amanda's voice came from beside her.

Olivia groaned and slowly opened her eyes, squinting against the brightness of the light. "Manda?"

"Welcome back, your in the hospital."

"Yeah, I gathered." Olivia went to sit up but was pulled back against the bed by wrist restraints. She jerked her wrists trying to break from them. "What the fuck Amanda?"

"It's for your safety liv. How are you feeling?"

"It hurts" Olivia confessed. Not caring about being strong at this point.

"I bet, Liv why? Why would you try and kill yourself? What about Emma? You know what would have happened to her." Amanda ranted. Trying to keep herself calm.

"I'm sorry Amanda, I wasn't thinking. Oh god, Emma" Olivia cried. She could not believe she had almost left her baby girl in this cruel world alone.

"Shes fine Liv, besides being traumatized," Amanda muttered the last part but Olivia had heard her.

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think found you?"

Olivia was speechless, the room was silent for a few minutes before Olivia spoke up again. "Fuck!" She groaned. "Is she ok? I mean did it hurt her too bad?"

"Well, when I left she was crying and kept saying mommy over and over again. You really hurt her Liv."

"Can I see her? Who is with her?"

"Oh, Kim brought Jesse back so she is staying with both of the girls. After the doctors talk to you and everything settles, ill go get Emma alright. I do think she needs to see you, to know your alright physically at least."

2 more hours filled with psychiatric evaluations, mainly answering questions and Amanda answering some that Olivia refused or couldn't answer and coping skills later, Olivia was sitting up in bed, no longer restrained. She was dressed in a paper gown and the room was empty, not even a stethoscope. There was nothing on the walls or the shelves. There was no bathroom and the door was heavier than usual. She sighed.

"Liv, I'm going to run home and get Emma ok? You guys need some time together."

"Thank you, Amanda."

Olivia laid back on the bed just trying to make sense of everything. These past couples of months had been a whirlwind of emotions and trying to get used to being back in society. And then there was the baby, she still didn't know what she was going to do with him. She wanted and needed to do what was truly best for him.

Amanda came back a little later with Emma hiding behind her.

"Hey baby girl," Olivia whispered. Emma had her fingers in her mouth while staring down at the floor, she was hiding behind Amanda.

"Hey, its ok, your mommas alright" Amanda whispered as she picked the toddler up. She sat her on the bed next to Olivia and watched her next move.

"Momma?" The toddler slowly asked.

"Yeah baby," before anyone could register what was happening. Emma launched herself against Olivia, hugging her tightly as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Its ok Emma" Olivia cooed while stroking Emma's hair. "Mommas here sweetheart. Mommas alright."

Emma slowly fell asleep on top of Olivia, the hospital room was now once again quiet. Olivia felt helpless over the whole situation. Everything was happening way to fast for her, thing were changing every day when she was still adjusting and the worst part of it all was that Emma was getting hurt in the process. She never intended for Emma to find her and if she was being honest, she wasn't even considering Emma at that point. She just wanted the voices to stop and the pain to go away.